I did not meet my goal yesterday. *sigh* I came home and went walking. Alice (my roomie) forgot her face (aka the massive amount of Lancome makeup that she wears every day...dont' get me wrong, it makes her 52 year old face look like a hot 43 year old face) at the office so she went back up north to retrieve it. So I settled in and had a bowl of spinach and a luna bar for dinner. I should have stuck to the spinach but my sweet tooth was driving me NUTs. I don't know why I crave sweets.

Well anyhow I did that, some crunches and then went shopping. Found a D&G case for the sunglasses Im ebaying. A hot pink Coach change purse for ebay, and a cute long navy sweater jacket (sweet deal...$4.00 on clearance).

Well I wanted cookies so bad. Even tho I am not a binge/purge girl, all I wanted to do was eat a whole pack of cookies then throw them up. I would have to puke becuase I know I cannot eat that many cookies and allow them into my body. The other day I stopped at a gas station to get a little pack of cookies. Famous amos makes a lowfat sandwich cookie (my fav) that is vegan and not horribly guilty. I can eat the whole pack for about 220. So I feel bad...but I won't cry.

Anyhow (boy I went on a tangent there)I went to randalls to get a tiny pack of cookies. They don't make tiny packs. If I get a whole pack...I will feel like I have to eat it. So I settled for a pack of dates. Thos are really really sweet and oh so good. But at least they aren't refined or anything...

I was too tired when I got home to go take Lucia (the dog) running. Infact...after walking the office so much yesterday my ass hurt. So I made a sugarfre chocolate soda and went to bed. I got up this morn with vim and vigor and (and guilt) So I went for a brisk walk. Then got ready for work.

Been hall walking a bit. I have a blister from these shoes (cute black platforms.)

Another groopie dropped by my desk for diet advice. It's pathetic. I dispense diet advice about healthy eating. HA!! Anyhow thats ok. I know how it should be done and if I can provide them some moral support so be it. Besides...I know they are not happy shopping at Mindys Mondo Mumus.

So I give good advice......wanna hear it?

-Set short term reachable goals. Such as 5 lbs to start. then maybe 8 lbs when you reach that.

-Set an ultimate goal. But do not make this goal a size or a look. We are always willing to compromise that. We could give up and just shove our fat asses into a girdle. Make this goal a HEALTH goal. Do you want to run a marathon? Climb a mountain? Join a sports team?

-Never take the easy way out. Park as far away from the store as possible.

I also give them inspiration. I guess I am "thinspiration" to these women here at work. I am 22. My groupies range from about 27-60. They all carry waterbottles too. Each and everyone of them. Me..the leader...I carry a 1/2 gallon bottle wherever I go.

Weird.

The whispers I hear from them

-Did you hear she drinks up to 4 gallons a day?

-Did you hear she lost like 75 or 80lbs?

-What is her secret?

My little secret I guess.

well my accountability sheet is going well. I have stayed at 1000 cal this week as planned. I have worked out every day this week. I am just not taking enough steps.

Next week I am dumping the cals down to maybe 800 or so. Then maybe up to 900. Then down to 700. Then up to 800. You get the drift. Down to 500 then work my way up just a bit and stay between 400-800 cal.

I used to be so good at all of this. I never ate. But then it was becuase I was so friggin depressed.

The mirror lies. I look thin sometimes. But my fat folds around my waistband. The band digs into fat. I look down and I am indeed fat.

I have lost wome weight. I was 138 on the 6th. I was 132 on the 15th. I can't feel it tho. It's just numbers. No change yet.

I remember when the goal was just to be "fit." then the goal went to wanting to be 150. Then my goal was to be a size 13. if I could only be a size 13 life would be perfect. Then one day I was so happy to buy a size 12. Which let to the 11, and I thought oh...10. Now that is great. I should be a 10. NOw I will not purchase a 10. I wear a 10. That is fat. I should be a size 7. So now I work to be a 7. It never ends.

It may not matter if I win or lose. I only hope I survive this deadly game.

-Perfectbone

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