Feelign better about those damn onion things. Sucking down more diet pills and a dt coke. I tallyed it up...and if I didnt' eat dinner tonight I would be ok. But brian will be here and I won't be able to get away with eating nothing. So I think I will make veggie sushi tonight. Thats damn low cal...or maybe I can get away witha bowl of miso?

Yesterday I krept just over 1000 cals. I had those damn cookies and I told myself that I wasn't going to count them. But ya know what? THey count. Everything counts.

I got pulled over last night. Did I mention that? Tickets..heh...I don't get them. I travel all the dang time. I put 7,000 miles on my car since I got it in oct/nov. But I don't get tickets. Last night...I was pulling out of my subdivision to make a right turn. I didn't stop at the red light first. Damn. Cop right behind me and I didn't even look. he pulls me over and what do I do? I can't friggin speak. I start bawling like an 8 year old in the principals office!! Whatta putz! I felt so stupid. So artificial. I just got so scared. I have only had 1 ticket...and that was when I was 16. I was checking out the guy behind me and I ran 2 stop signs in a row and plowed into a car. The first time I was ever pulled over I was 16 and only had my permit. I made a right on red.

What is it with my failure to stop? Apparently that is my downfall. I am inpatient and I have a blatent disregard for the brake pedal. eh well. I got a warning this time since my license is clean. He wasn't mean or anything...he was kind and explained to me that if I didn't beat traffic next time I would hit a car and it would be my fault (more tears.)

Went to khols last night and thought about trying to get a tiny pair of pants to pressure myself to fit into them. But I tried them on. a size 7. I got them buttoned....but I looked pretty trashy. My hip fat hanging out over the top of the flared hip huggers. I looked like the patented Trailer Park Britney wannabe. *gag*

So I didn't get them...didn't think that I should waste my money that I don't have.

My new phone should be waiting at home for me. Thankgoodness I can give at&t the finger at last. Those bastards. I could rant about them for hours.

I hope brian takes me out for some fun this wknd. Everyone thinks 6th street is the place to be if your young...but nah. He hates that kind of thing. Me...I'm indifferent. I don't care. Drinking has too many calories anyhow. Maybe we will just go to Mozarts for coffee this wknd. I like going there in the summer, you can sit outside and watch the sun set on the lake. It is something out of a dream.

I spent a while talking to some coworkers today...Ola and Ivannia. We we talking about perfection. These women are both my elders as they are both 33. We were all the minorities as children. Ivannia is from Costa Rica, but she is petite, with auburn hair, fair skin and freckles. Ola is a lighter skined black woman that grew up in a white community. I am a white girl with green eyes and brown hair...I spent my childhood in a hispanic community on the border of mexico. in our eyes we were never good enough and always should have looked like the rest of the community. My skin was too light...as was ivannias, but ola was too dark. As you get older the battle isn't so much about skin color...its more about the pant size.

25 min till the end of the day. Gawd am I tired. Sleepy. It's becuase my desk area is always cold. I have this HUGE window here...about 18 feet wide and from floor to ceiling. Not very insulating. burr. Sleep.

Man. Now I am just rambling.

-Perfectbone

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