Gawd I am so in a slump today. I am so far behind on my work and I have no desire to do any of it. In fact I am pretty depressed. I forgot my meds yesterday...dunno if it has anything to do with it.

Ah well. Friday brian and I went to beansprout for dinner when I got into SA. Saturday I ended up hanging round brians house while they fixed up his truck. I didn't do a dang thing. IN the evening I hung around claire and we watched Muriels Wedding. Sunday we went to go see Chicago. Good trigger movie. Then I came back to AUS. Monday I went shopping and did oh so well for my ebay stuff. Was terribly sick and went to bed early. Tues went shopping...didn't do quite as well. Still was sick...went running anyhow.

Now friggin today. Man wtf is up with today? Brian was all in a slump becuase he couldn't afford the 2002 explorer that he wanted. Well friggin duh! So he was all down about that. Says he is a "Sport Utility Person" and wont get a car. Well I have news for him. I am a "V8 Mustang Person" but I drive a grand am. Do I want to drive a grand am....eh...its ok. But it isn't what I would love to drive. The thing is...its a good car and I can AFFORD it. He Thinks that if he has "the car" then he has made it. He is always lying to people about what he does for a living. As if he has a bad job. He has a great job. He should be proud of his job. As if anyone cares what his position is. If anyone cares that much...he shouldn't want to know them anyhow. I am a admin tech I. you know what I really am? I am a friggin receptionist. Yup. I sit at my desk. Answer phones. Deal with the occasional person. Sure I do more work than that. I delve deep into peoples backgrounds to ensure the safety of children. But do people see that when they walk by? no. they see the cute chick at the front desk. Ah well.

Ah well i guess I am just bitter. He wants a friggin Explorer and there he is living at home with his parents at 25. He said...oh well i can get a 6 year loan. Well lookie here buddy. Within 6 years I plan on having kids. Kids cost money. Homes cost money. And there is no way in HELL I am going to live in his parents home. I told him...."well what if soemthing happens, and you have to take a lower paying job." You know if you are stretched to the limit...what if somethign goes wrong?

I am honestly going to be mad if he chooses an expensive vehicle. I am going to be really really angry. So It looks like he will be saving for the next few months for that down payment. Not saving for say....deposits on a house with me. So that means....it could be friggin, no not friggin FUCking fall before we live together. We planned on the first part of Jan. Well then I got kicked out of my place and just moved into a great place in Nov. So I am safe now...no more hell from living on "grey street" But we thought that at least by my birthday/our anniversary we would be living together. Well tough luck. My birthday is like 3 wks away.

Hell I can't even get that guy to plan a trip with me. I am thinking I might go visit my parents alone. I have been putting it off for friggin 2 or 3 months now because he wont' get in gear and help to decide how we will get there. If we fly my parents will buy my ticket and part of his as my birthday/xmas present. We split the rest which is easy. But he wants to visit his friend in OHIO. So therefore we have to figure something else out. I am about ready to say tough fucking luck. I am heading off to IN alone.

I am going to give him one last chance this weekend to figure out this trip thing. I really want him to go with me. I want to share it with him. But my grandmother is not getting any older. So I may just have to say tough luck.

Damn I am bitter and angry today.

I don't even want to talk abotu food. I am all kinds of f*cked up right now about it. So messed up. its pretty much starve and binge right now. F*ck.

Gonna go. Have to do some work. Dang Im pissy. Promise to get over this crap.

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