AHHHH! Scotland here I come!!! We got our tickets over the wknd and I am so happy! They cost less than we thought. Brian was all upset becuase earlier in the wk they were well over a thou a piece. The prices had shot through the roof. Well I had to wait anyhow for his check to clear into my bank account before i could buy. We checked on sat and they were only $740 each! hehe. Claire told me that he had called her while she was at school and vented to her. He was upset that I was goign to cost him all this money becuase I didn't put the check right into my account quickly...but hey. what a smart guy. didn't bitch to me about it at all. Instead he calls someone else and gripes to them...and I don't have to hear a word of it. :) Whatta man!

Claires birthday was fun. On saturday I stuck to just a tiny little lettuce & herb salad so that i could go out to dinner that night and not be "weird." We went to Jabaneros where they serve really big burritos. I got the veggi one on whole wheat stuffed with potatoes, & squash, black beans, cilantro lime rice....and so much more. MMmM. Then we went back to the house for some childish drinking games. hehe. We had "BRING THE PAIN" out in full force. bring the pain is a 5 foot long plastic tube that is about 2 inches. There is a funnel on the top. You pour the drink into the funnel and control the flow out the bottom through a knob on the end. The person that must take the pain has to chug the whole thing. it holds about 4 drinks. Since I am so good I only had to do it once...claire....about 3 times! heheh. I started to fade around 12:30 (yup me da wimp) and brian took me home and put me to bed. On sun we tried to get some topsoil for the garden but no one was open that sold topsoil. Bummer.

I am planning on growing some veggies this year. Last year I did a lot of herbs and will keep those that I didn't lose to the freeze, but I would like to do eggplant, tomato, cantaloupe, okra, & cucumber, as well as lettuce this year.

its so funny how my brain works. When I am in SA I can often try to be "normal" about my eating. I try to eat 3 meals a day...I don't take pills I don't get too freaked out (I don't get really out of control most of the time either). But as soon as I am on my way back, I am contemplating all of my plans. My restrictions and such. Such as today. I feel I have already over done it. 2 bananas & cereal in water. If I must have lunch (which I doubt) I have an instant tofu, spinach, & miso soup that has only 35 cals. But I am going to try to hold off and save that for dinner.

I have to do some shopping tonight and that is a great distraction from food. Unfortunatly sometimes when I take too many diet pills during the day and I don't eat a tiny bit of something by about 7 I tend to feel really really icky.

Somtimes I miss those days of pain when the lbs melted off. I smoked my heart out...lived on cup after cup of joe & sat out with all my friends every evening. But now life is happy. I don't smoke anymore....I still like coffee but I don't hang out drinking it every night.

Hmm.

Oh well.

I can still keep on going. I have yet to really lose a single lb in the past month or so. Grrrrr. Grrr. Grrr. My body is really resisting every thing I do. I remember that when I moved to the new place in oct/nov I didn't have my scale out and life was so crazy that i could not exercise and I had to eat random things and could not focus on myself. I was sure I had gained tons of weight. But somehow I didn't. I stayed exactly the same. NO matter if I eat tons or nothing somehow it stays the friggin same. damn. I can push past this. I know I can. I went fron 210 down to 135. I can push it down just 10 more lbs. Just 10 F*ING lbs thats all I friggin ask. I can do it!

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