Grrr. I ate food at lunch. Weak.

First I brought an orange with me to work in leu of the bagle. So I ate it...in all its juicy goodness. Then I thought I would have a little apple sauce cup....not that I was hungry...guess I was bored. Then as I sitting in my car I noticed some change in my change holder...grabbed it and got some peanutbutter crackers. Gawd. What a whack job I am. I didn't need any of it.

My bladder has been quite irritated today. Grr. It better not be another infection cuase I just don't want to deal with one right now.

I forgot to take my diet pills. Guess thats why I screwed up.

I stepped on the scale this morn. 131. *sigh* Just 5 more lbs till the next goal. then 6 lbs to the one after. Keeping it in sight is hard. Plus I am really suprised that I haven't been gaining weight. I have been so awful about sugar. Tons of it. I ate like half a pack of cookies over the weekend, and lastnight. Gawd I even hate to admit this but brown sugar. Yes. Just brown sugar. I don't know what the hell comes over me.

I just want to cry sometimes over the guilt that I feel about food. I feel so bad about restricting sometimes, then I feel so bad about the thought of getting fat. When i didn't watch my weight much at all last year...when I was in "recovery" I stayed about the same. 135 pretty much. I didn't go up...didn't go down. Ate all kinds of good food. Got some exercise. It was "normal." What the hell? I don't know...Gonna do the mail here at work. have some stuff to sort. My head is kinda messed up today. ONe of those wishing for recovery days.

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