I am guessing I have made some decisions. I think they were already made...but sometimes you just have to take time to come to terms with them and accept them. it shouldn't have come as such a surprise...I mean...I have been in my shoes before, I am after all, DIVORCED. Yes...I wear a scarlet "D" on my chest.

So what is the decision you ask? Simple really...I am not going to marry brian.

I called my sister yesterday to tell her about the wedding and such...and it was on the phone that it hit me...that it's NOT going to happen. Not at all. It's not being reschedules...not "postphoned." Not happening. Sadly I lost connection w/ my sis...but she called back...she didn't know that the phone was recording everything. I heard her telling her husband what had happend...I heard him say "God...I don't want to hear that!" I heard her start bawling and screaming about brian. How I should have to put up with shit like him. She doesn't know I heard how emotional she got about it. I think she would rip his balls off and tie them to his head if she could.

So what does that mean for Miss Perfectbone? Well...I have options. I know I will be leaving him. I don't know when, and he doesn't have a clue really. Honestly, while he still feels that our debt is still "our" debt, I am going to allow him to reduce it as much as I can. But I know I can't stay terribly long. Not if my heart isn't in it.

Gee...as if I didn't have enough issues right????!!!

The best news is...I HAVE done this before. I am not scared witless about it. I learnd after I left dan that as a woman...as a PERSON...I need to be able to take care of myself if I have to. I can. Gee...this won't be so bad ;-) Life has yet to really begin.

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