1st

Oh not my own heartbreak...oh poor brian. I got a msg from him today saying that the handfasting was pretty much off. That courtney wants to wait and do something like that after they have gotten to grow a bit more. Mostly becuase he has been in kuwait since...well...um, since like December. I think she is moving there with him in august or september though. She has arranged for a transfer or something.

You see...she is a biochemical engineer, and she is also in the reserves as well, I guess that's how she is getting there. Yup...that's a nice american target...an all american blond boy computer genious and a biochemical engineer. I smell hostages.

ANyhow....they are still together, but she has decicded that it has to wait. I don't blame her in a lot of ways,...they have been apart for months and that's tough. I hurt for him though, he has always wanted so badly to be love and to be in love. He is extreeeeemly codependent (who says' that it's such a horrible thing to be codependent?)

He has always loved looking at my relationships...wishing he was in one too. I served as a sort of serrogate gf to him for years. I was the friend that filled the roles when the gf was needed....you know, company parties, events, and if he was going, I pretty much went. We were always together. Even when I was dating jim and shana (i'd sometimes stay over *wink wink*)I would come home in the morning before work...I would come home just for the purpose of getting into bed with him, if only for a few moments. We would snuggle up all nice and cozy till the alarm would go off.

And after spending an evening drunkenly fooling around with jim at a campout....oddly enough, it wasn't jim's tent I would go to, I'd head back to camp and brian would be waiting in my hammock.

At my 21st birthday part....I had just gotten together with B. And brian just got dumped by some girl....all I remember was him sitting in the bathroom crying. I left b in bed....snoring and hung over. B eventualy to leave that morning (Side note: I find out many moons later that he was leaving to go be with his ex) and all I remember was brian bawling his eyes out...his head on my lap.

And when I found out that b had been cheating on me and that his ex was pregnant...he never told me what to do...he just held onto me. He had chris (side note: This guys soooo rocks. Chris has a family and kids my age but he has always been soo good to me) bring me pizza from my fav pizza place.

And after all that stuff happend....brian took me to flipside. I f*ckign quit my job and ran out to flipside. I had a blast.

I feel bad for brian...sure he still has her, but he is crushed right now and I feel his pain. He has always been my brother. Yet I feel motherly to him. Like the many times he has had my head on my lap, and I stroke his soft blond strands of hair, I look into his blue eyes and I want to give him a kiss. But not a lovers kiss, much more like the reassuring kiss you give your child. must be a past life thing.

Oh well, he'll call me today (yeah, he calls from kuwait a lot..)and I will try to smooth his sore ego.

-pb

ps, doesn't change the fact that this chica dica is soooo going to flipside!!!

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