2nd today

You know yesterday when I was so upset, the first thing I wanted to do was puke. Oh I just wanted to puke so badly, I was so nauseated.

For me bullimia has always been about 2 things, first and formost, purging emotions. Secondly, occasional punishment to myself.

But you know what? i didn't do it I wanted to...but aside from having to get back to work after that chew out, I also didn't really have anything to puke. Would have just been some water, diet beverage, and some vitamins.

As far as food goes...well, I'm still at the same weight. I have the binges pretty much handled right now. But I still dont' eat as much as "normal folk."

Like yesterday,

Breakfast: 2 strawberries, 1 bananna, & a handful of grapes.

Lunch: 1/2 cup pretzle nuggets, little baggie of grapes, 1/4 of a carrot

Dinner: little bit of canned peas and canned corn (icky canned food!) and some spaghetti w/ tomato sauce.

Snack: plain popcorn.

I try never to count calories anymore, but I have to figure it isn't all that many. I also drank 1.5 gallons of water, 2 cups of coffee, & 44 oz of diet soda. With the Concerta, I'm not often all that hungry. Mostly in the morning or at night.

Claire is in a bit of danger at this time of leaning into an eating disorder. Previously quite the binger, she has been losing weight due to the wellbutrin. Now that her coworkers are making a HUGE deal over her weight loss, she constantly thinks about all the food she is about to put into her mouth. She starts to wonder..."am I going to get fat now? Will I dissapoint everyone?" I told her to talk to her therapist about it. She is a miss perfect too, so I know what's going on...I experienced it myself.

In other news, after all the ickyness with the big boss yesterday, I indulged in my addiction a little. Yes, I went shopping. Oh woe is me! ;-) It never fails to change my mood. And I am sooo good at it! I really wanted one of these darling dresses I saw, but considering I am as broke as a commandment, I had to veto the dress. However...I found a fab deal! Got a new pair of jeans (somethign that fits at last!) and they are stretchy. :-) Its a cute pair of dark blue levis...for only $5. Can you said fashion/bargain diva? Damn I'm good.

-pb

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