Midnight drunken entry...well kinda drunken. Starting to sober up now thank god!

Anyhow. I broke the rule about sex and drinking becuase I was too damn drunk and horny to know better. You see, I (under NORMAL circumstances) do not let b touch me if he has had even 1 drink. it stems from a time that he pushed me into something that I did not want to do (I had my reasons at the time...and a reason is a reason damn it) and began going ahead despite me saying no. Well anyhow whatever....

Well I may not make a whole lot of sense...but I am sick of not getting to have a damn orgasm. i have been having sex all damn week, begging for it...and he finishes off without me getting an orgasm. Granted I don't have to have one every time. I'm serious about that...not just stroking male ego. Sometimes a damn fine time is great for me. HOWEVER.....all damn week I have been waiting for mine and I'm getting jack shit. Once he's done he's still sitting there and I have said the following things on different days "please more baby, please?" "THat was reeeealy nice...More more more I need more" "You've gotten me so so close...and I didn't get to come." I have told him these things...didn't even bother to fucking fake it. And what does he say "oh well there's always next time." and hops off cleans himself up and declares that he wants to go to bed. How about next time I give you a blow job....I keep going right up to the point and walk away to go make dinner? Leave you with the "what the heck?" expression on your face?!!?!

I am by NO means a selfish woman in bed. I give as well as take. I have even offered up "alternatives." So far this week he has vetoed toys (I have a lovey new glass, for which I payed way too much. I haven't even tried it yet!) manual labor (such as his hand), and even trying to give me an orgasm from a different part of my body (which he does not do). He has never used toys with me, he wont use his hand after the fact...becuase he feels it's "messy." well come on man....gee wiz...like you have never touched either of our bodily fluids before???? ANd he is just DONE afterward. No if ands or buts....he just gets up and cleans up.

GRRRRR. I know I am not the only chica in this situation. PLUS he makes me too uncomfortable to masturbate in the bed when he is around. And he certainly isn't really interested in seeing me do such a thing to myself either.

I have been friggin frustrated all damn weeek. And worst of all, I had to sit next to a damned cute girl this evening. I was soo into her, and I htink that she digs me too. And I can't even begin to count how many guys at PNO tonight would have MORE than willingly (and quite selflessly I might add) would have been willing to take me home and please me. I looked DAMNed adorable tonight. HOWEVER....I have this one guy here at home that is supppppppposed to love and care for me so passionatly. Well he loves me yes. Cares for me yes. However he is so god damn selfish in bed it ticks me off.

He is so god damned busy pretending that I am so porn star that he doesn't even look at me for a second. Not that I haven't imagined he was someone else...at this point I am so damn desparate I would screw jack sprat, little boy blue if they got tooo close to me!

Oh I have ranted enough. I jsut had to get it out of my system. I'm pretty well sobered up now. I figure I can chug some more water and hit the hay. After all I have work tomorrow.

And off I go to the beach. So I can get more pointless orgasmless sex. Granted I am managing to get a whole lot more sex than usual (I'm pretty lucky to get it once or twice a week usualy) this week, but I haven't had any REAL pleasure since the weekend...and I had to do THAT myself.

Dang it. I had better hit the hay.

Oh if you are wondering why I am much more explicit than usual....well, I'm not at work for once ;-)

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