<< Change in my pocket >>
2004-05-18, 10:28 a.m.

2nd entry today

Last night I got a bit upset. I know that when b is upset about money (which is always) he freaks out. He starts rambling. Last night he said "whatever counselors aren't working for you, cut 'em loose." I told him I have just one, my therapist, and then also my psychiatrist. I told him that my therapist listens, and the shrink perscribes. "well can you see them any less? I mean, are they really helping you?"

I got so offended by that. 1st of all, he was the one that convinced me to go in the first place. He told me, that money didn't matter, that it was important to make sure that I got the therapy and medical treatment that I need. THen he gets upset when he doesn't see results every time I go to the therapist. every time I go he asks if I "accomplished" anything. Well I know I need therapy..I know I have "issues," but I know that I know you can't fix someone like me in just a few sessions. Hell you can't even fix me in a year! it has only been 4 months. And heck, I haven't even been to see her since....sometime last month. Maybe 4 weeks? 5? Why? Money.

Even with insurance it's really really hard.

He told me i had better figure out a way to work on paying for my therapy and doctor visits (about $120 a month) becuase he won't help me out on that anymore. He said he is too overwhelmed with the other bills and the $1,300 bill from my trip to the looney bin.

How depressing. Was I better off before treatment? Eh, um, well. I have been better...I have been worse. I'm mentaly ill...what can I say??

I'm going to talk to my dad about all this while I am in IN on vacation. I will not be able to make it financialy without brian unless I get some relief from these medical bills. Plus I have to have a way to pay for my ongoing medical expenses. I hate to ask him for help...I really do, but I know he doesn't want me trapped in a situation that I don't want to be in. The few times I have asked for help in the past...it has always been pretty good reasons. Medical bills, a new radiator (when I was single), stuff like that. He hasn't given me any money or anything since I went to see him last. He paid for my plane ticket, and I know he and kathy purchased some trinkets for me while I was there (tee shirt, a tea set, a dress, things like that).

I guess I have to do what I have to do. Suck up my pride and ask. After all....I am asking for a college education too. Maybe he should just sign the house over to me and that way I have to pay all the taxes in regards to selling and such? Gee wiz, I'm asking for like 60k or something.

Anyone got a few million laying about???

-pb

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