2nd

There is so much to be said, so little time to say it, and so little energy.

I get a call from another tech, that tells me that I am being given a really bad name by another person in Brownsville. Well, I wouldn't care in normal circumstances, but in this case it's a problem. I have so many other things against me at work that, when added all together, makes me look like a total idiot and a complete liar. Sadly each one is it's own circumstance. Like the mysteriously missing faxes. Whole lot of missed time due to my doc appointments. Emails that I didn't get. Memos that didn't make their way to my desk. Mail delivered late.

I have had a lot of things go wrong, and I just can't explain it all. In addition to that, there are times when I do 100% screw up. I make mistakes, I'm human. But add that to the other stuff....*sigh* And all too often, rather than talking to me, and resolving the situation, people CC: my boss to initiate contact with me. That annoys the living daylights out of me!

So many people are vegeful. And as it turns out, my job was in demand. WHy?? why? WHy would anyone want it? I am surrounded by papers, I have so many people barking orders, never enough time for projects, not enough money for supplies, and so much more. Hell the company name changes every year or two as well. We change our motto and purpose every year. We have been through 4 systems of handling vacation time and leave in my 2.5 years. We have been through 6 different time sheets. 4 logos too. By the time I remember the name of this department it changes to initials. Then it changes names completly. And they put a freeze on business card purchases due to lack of funds. Well you know what??? IF we didn't have to replace everything all the darn time we would have some money. If we didn't fire all those people that knew what they were doing, and leave everyone else standing there with their tounges wagging, we would have money. Bah.

I'm just grumpy. That's all. Just old and grumpy.

In other news, I'm still waiting for a mac truck....it hasn't come yet.

I got home yesterday and got into bed till about 7:30. Then I got up and ate some popcorn. I went back to bed after that. I haven't seen claire since sunday. I'm not interested in talking to anyone or doing anything. I'M a wreck and I am avoiding thinking about anything in my future. I am just terrible at bucking up and making plans. I make all plans as vague as possible and just skim through them. If I have somewhere new to be, I print the directions as I walk out the door. I pack the day of most trips. I never have stamps when I need them. I am forever running out of shampoo.

I almost never call when I say I will. I rarely follow through on plans. I'm non-commital about everything. I never follow through or follow up.

I'm a bad planner, a flake, and a pain in the ass. Why is it that people still like me? I guess curls and charm must go a long way. A very long way, cause baby, I don't have much more than that.

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