<< I'm running in a tizzy >>
2004-05-20, 11:03 a.m.

1st today

Im really busy today but the boss left for a moment, so I am going to breath!

They got rid of the killer bees last night *whew!* thank goodness. They even got up into the attic! But they are long gone now. I noticed a lot of dead animals around our house lately...bet there is a corelation.

went to the shrink today. He remained surprised that I am having trouble with my "activities of daily living." Considering I can't take care of myself properly every day. I told him that I have been under a lot of stress between my job and my personal life being more than just a little messy lately. He asked about that and I told him more.

It burns my biscuits that he doesn't keep track of jack shit! He never remembers that my issues are exacerbated by the physical consequences of fibromyalgia, he never remembers what I do for a living, and askes me every time! He comments on my large water bottle every time I go. He doesn't listen to a word I say either.

WHen he was done, he started telling me about his upcoming vacation to california as he writes out a new scrip for my sleeping pills (ambien) and more concerta (yay stimulants!)

I'm going to find a new doc. I expressed extreem depression and the only thing close to productive he could say was "well, we could up your effexor dosage." I don't go for that. I mean come on dude....come on!

I'm still experiencing the terrible ideations, still wishing that a mac truck might just crash through that window over there. Hoping that my tire blows out and I go careening into a cement baricade. I still have a lot of urges to hurt myself. I haven't...thank goodness. But I have been doing all the socialy acceptable things to hurt myself. I'm binging again *icky* and my skin picking is pretty bad (and I had improved so damn much).

I am not dealing very well with stress. Not at all.

B wrote me a long note telling me how sorry he was about not encouraging me to get help. He said it was his fault for not realizing how long it had been since I went to my therapist. I'm glad that he said something about it.

Anyhow...boss is back.

-pb

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