1st today

I'm feeling really good today! As long as I don't think about the future I don't wig out.

Yesterday evening I was ultra stressed becuase the big boss was all over me and I didn't want to look like a twit. Maybe it's becuase I'm white? that hasn't occoured to me before...but maybe it's kind of like being discriminated against or something. I hate to think that...but perhaps it is. She speaks spanish to me and assumes I have no idea what she is talking about. She makes cultural references and shoves me aside. I'm am one of 2 white people on the team.

I don't think about it much becuase I spent the first half of my life a minority, and that's just how it was. There wasn't anything to it. San Antonio is very much a hispanic city, just as the bordertown that gave birth to me, Del Rio. Or maybe she figures that I look down upon her becuase she is hispanic? All of it is so silly...If it hadn't of been for all the references she makes all around me, I woudn't assume it was a racist kind of thing.

Oh well, the guy next to me is Puerto Rican so you can imagne he feels the same way...however he is New York Puerto Rican, which means he grew up with a blended culture with the "brothers" as he calls them. Heheh...he has been pushed aside so many times too...becuase you know what....homeboy looks white! Brown hair and blue eyes, and his skin is pretty much white. you would never guess.

Oh well, the big boss has her issues...whatever whatever.

It's just a paycheck.

______________________________

Can I just run away? Press rewind or do something else?

hehe, even if I had the option I wouldn't know what to do with it. I miss having close friends. They were all in austin. I love claire, but I can't "talk" to her, becuase it all goes back to b.

Speaking of which, I got frustrated becuase she kinda told on me. Damn it. You see...as you know little Miss Perfectbone likes doodads, doohickeys, and whatnots. Esp the kind that look sooo beautiful on the soles of my feet, or float daintily across my body. I like to shop. Shopping makes me feel good. I LOVE buying clothes that make me FEEL pretty. it boosts my self esteem.

You see...sometimes I have bought things I shouldn't have, and in typical girl fasion I hid them. In my case I hid them in my car...he never rides with me, so I would keep them there till some time when he was gone, and slip them into the closet. He doesn't usualy notice and if he does, I say that I have had it for a while and just haven't worn it (which is TRUE!). Well claire told her husband brandon, then he of course told his buddy B. *sigh* B asked me about it *gulp*

Dang. Foiled again!

I'm not defending my misuse of money. I know I am a bad bad bad girl on that count (do I get a spanking now?) but there are tons of other things I DON'T do. I almost never drink, I go to a club about 3 times a year, I have taken 2 big vacations in my life, I drive a used car w/ low payments, and when I DO buy all those beautiful frilly things that make me feel so special....I am so frugal and I always buy on sale.

so....*bats eyes* Am I so wrong? I know I have enough clothing to arm a transvestite militia...but..*bites lip* It makes me feel good....and at least I don't smoke crack! ;-)

-pb

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