2nd today

My lunch break is just not sacred. Nope, not one bit. Well, it doesn't help that I don't go out for lunch. Nah...what would the point be? Where would I go?

Anywho, It's as if the rest of this place becomes obvlivious to the fact that it's noonish time. Noonish time is lunchish time. That's how it is. If you see me munching on a carrot, and it's noonish, and my shoes are off, and I am reading a web-idy-webpage, then it's lunchish time. I will only utter, "uh-huh, yeah" to you while covering my mouth to make sure you don't see the orange carrot bits in my teeth.

In other realms......

Went to the solstice celebration w/ the druids...that was super. They sure know how to confuse the hell out of me. Not all Pagan traditions are alike...or similar for that matter. I was trained in Celtic Wicca (not sure what was so dang Celtic about it, but that's another story for another day), and the Druid trad is different by far. I'm a little hung up on turning to the right or turning to the left meaning certain things, and I'm not used to using a script unless it's a big event and we are doing a play (as in theatrical presentation) in the middle of it too. I couldn't figure out when the opening was completed. I mean....they kept calling on all kinds of things....and just when I thought we were to the meat of it, there was a whole other round!! *whew*

But I enjoyed it. I didn't get home till like 1am or something obscene like that.

I haven't gotten laid since sometime last week. Sure I take matters into my own hands....but I am dang ansy to be touched. *hohum*

I had a talk w/ b this wknd. TO tell him that I have been thinking seriously of leaving him. Talked about a lot of things....finances (that he didn't pay my bills on time last month), s3x (that I am admittedly outgoing, and he is..he admits, quite bland), attention (I need lots), frustration due to my mood swings (hey...i'm bipolar baby...if it were so damn easy to control, it wouldn't be considered a serious mental illness), and of course trust issues.

I let him know that he cut off my ability to deal with some trust issues by being completly unwilling to talk about them. if he won't communicate with me, how do I learn to trust him.

SO we talked about compromise....but there are somethings that are tough to compromise. For example...you can't make someone into something they are not. I don't want him to be something he is not. How can I be pleased (in bed) if it is not my nature to accept sex in 1 of 3 positions in only one possible place? How can he be pleased if he is uncomfortable with anything beyond aprox 3 positions?

Anyhow...I'm rambling and even boring myself!

ta!

-Pb

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