1st today

Peace talks resumed yesterday in the duplex.

Brian did dishes, I made some dinner. We sat in the livingroom munching, then petting the kitties.

In the evening we went for a walk...that's when talks began. I again was 100% honest with him. I know I won't get anywhere if I sugarcoat the crap. He was 100% honest with me too. He was telling me that it isn't always easy to live with someone like me, but he does it out of love. That all the great things about me make the few difficult things easy to take. He said that he has been so distant becuase his own self esteem has been so poor. That he doesn't see how anyone would want to be with him or near him so it makes him want to edge away.

Talks continued for 2 hours.

He asked me if it was possible that I was "escaping" from my problems here by wanting to run away. That rather than giving him an earnest chance...rather than giving my job an earnest chance...rather than giving my mother an earnest chance...rather than giving commitment an earnest chance...rather than giving my friends an earnest chance.....that I was running away to IN. He told me that he knows I am a gypsy...that I get really ansy in one place with one person. He asked if I ever discussed that with my therapist....I told him that I had...but not too much.

he suggested I talk about my gypsy tendencies when I see her on monday. See if she thinks I'm doing things I'll regret. GOd...why am I spinning in circles??? wtf? I told him that I have been so tempted to "check out" from all of this becuase it has been such a pain in the ass and so draining. He told me that it would be a huge loss of potential...that the world would miss out on something wonderful.

Anyhow....it all ended around 10:20 with me getting short of breath and anxious. I was begining to freakout. He calmed me down.....

we went to sleep.

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