2nd entry today

Had a sprout sandwich again for lunch. mmm. Been listeding to Dave matthews all day. Oh my dave...oh my dave.

I have been binging every day again, which is completely unpleasant. Last night I was so full I really thought I was going to puke. I really wanted to, but b was there. he got me out to go walking instead.

My moods have been swinging all over the place the past two days. Maybe because my Lamictal was doubled? I don't know...but it's making me nuts.

Every day I do the pharmy ritual...shake out a few pink effexors to chase away the blues, roll out a happy little yellow synthroid to keep my hair from falling out, and usualy, though not today, a little cylindar of Concerta to put a smile on my face and some focus in my head. I go through the day...maybe popping a few more. A pain reliever every now and then...maybe a ritalin, or an ephedrine, a claratin. At night I head to bed with a few more medical wonders....punch out a birth control pill to keep the the babes at bay, pop a few lamictal to keep the world right side up a little while longers, an ambien to sooth those thoughts into smooth mild blur so that I can find sleep. Add a few vitamins then before I know it I begin the pill tango all over again.

There was a time before all these pills. Once upon a time, the only thing I took was birth control. Once...upon...a....time.

Now upon a time....I sit at my desk...hyped up on coffee & diet coke, drinking a giant jug of water to chase away the thirst from the meds. My foot bounces before I take my first sip of caffiene. My thoughts swing around from the flying trapeeze and often I feel out of control.

I am often a friggin victim of my own urges...I do the dumbest crap sometimes.

I hope that if I ever have to go to a mental hospital again, that I can make friends with the REALLY crazy people this time. Though I was a little afraid of some of them. Never knew when they would wig out and start jumping on the table or something. The girl with a beard was pretty dangerous...she was what they call a 1:1. 1 nurse to 1 patient. The crazy people see things we don't. Maybe they see things that we can't? Maybe the things they see, hear, and think are all the truth, and our brains are not open to it? Who knows...it's all possible. if nothing else...at least it's better than glueing cotton balls to construction paper, while waiting my turn for the safety scisors.

-perfectbone

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