3rd entry today

I'm feeling a little sick right now.

I'm thinking it is becuase b trys to tell me that I am neglecting my friends. He said I should call all my old friends before making any new ones. That pocket would want to see me, and that girl I met once at PNO, and the like.

I want to scream becuase I know he is wrong. I want to scream becuase pocket and I have not spoken since flips!de. Mostly because we are both flakey.

I know he is just angry with me becuase i was out with earl. Hell I have seen the guy twice.

I don't know why it makes me feel so bad. if he weren't making me feel guilty, if he werent in my life...I wouldn't feel bad at all about what I am doing. I'm trying to hang out with claire...and I promised b that I would give him tomorrow evening.

I'm seeing earl late tonight anyhow. I told him I would take him to work tonight. His motorcycle has a flat that he can't fix till this wknd. He has to be at work at midnight...I figure that's a prime time for me to pick up my perscriptions anyhow. No waiting. ;-)

B makes me angry. Just becuase I am not there to fill his gawd d@mn void. Just becuase I am not there waiting on him. I waited long enough. Two friggin years I waited by the phone while he was taking his exgirlfriend here and there. Two years I waited for him to come home every evening and call me. We aren't together anymore and if I want to go out...I will. I don't need permission.

(in other updates...the begging to daddy worked. Begged to momma too. Got 1k from dad...and moms fixing my brakes. If it weren't for them....dear gawd...I'd be hung up and left for dead.)

I'm not going to be angry. I have done that should make me feel guilty. I am woman. B is not my father. He is not my brother, my husband, or even my boyfriend. He can keep his judgement!

-Pb

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