Eeek! So I have an interview at 9:30 in the morn. Whoooo!

I just got home from hanging w/ the earl....I'm kinda depressed at the moment.

I did the second half of the research study today. Got my $25. IT was the MOST intense psyc eval I have ever had. Took hours and hours.

Then I went to my shrink. He rx'd my meds for three months so I coudl get them before my insurance runs out on friday. Bad news is, I have to pay 3X for each one. Like effexor...$35 x 3. Concerta $25 x 3. Ambien $35 x 3. Methylphenidate $15 x 3. Lamictal $25 x 3. That adds up to a whole lotta money that I don't have. I'll have drugs for three months, but I have to pay for them all at once. *sigh* what's a girl to do?? What's a girl to do??

I hope I have a jobby job soon.

earl and I went to goodwill to hunt some shirts. he needed some shirts for work, he needs some pants too. He keeps ripping the damn things. what does he keep doing to rip them?? I guess it's a "boy" thing. Must be.

Watched fear and loathing in las vegas tonight. Loved it. love it love it. one freaked out trip after another. and besides.....Johnny depp is THE most sexy man alive. aside from me if I were a man. Becuase if I was...you could bet I would be the most sexy man alive ;-)

So why am I down tonight?? I don't know. I think it's becuase I came home and b was so quiet. I checked out his journal. He's heading to amsterdam in the spring. guess he can do that since I have to carry all the debt from the last trip.

Joe called tonight after he got off work and left me a msg. He's so funny. But I really think i should keep him at arms length till he knows it's just a friend thing. He's so wonderful, and were I in a completely different phase of life...I'm sure it would be a workable thing. HOWEVER....I'm in a different place right now, and he's ready to settle down. I've been settled. I can't do that again just yet. But since he is so super swell, I think I would really love hanging with him as a bud. I hope he's cool with that.

I have two prospects in chica-ville. one is a pierced up cutie, the other is a bit more clean cut. I'll write them both back tomorrow when my head is clear.

I have been fighting a headache all fucking day. I have taken copious amounts of excedrine & alieve. Still nothing. It stems from the tension in my neck...the hard muscles.

Talked to the doc today about me being just a wee bit down latley. Told him I wasn't sure if it was situational or mental. I also told him that I heard the radio again the other day. yeah, I did. Haven't heard it in a while. I was laying down reading....and I couldn't concentrate becuase it was so damn loud. But it wasn't trashy Euro-pop as usual....it was something else. But I can never make out the words. It lasted for about 30 min or so...maybe a little longer? I kept trying to tune it out, but it was still friggin there. Sometimes I wonder if my psychosis is caused my the vast amounts of medication that I take every day...plus the additional crap that I wash down my throat. I should cut down on the stimulants.

So anyhow....the doc upped my Lamictal from 100 to 200mg. 100mg isn't very high at all, so he thought I would benefit in the long run from another step up. I think he's right. I remember how high I got when I started the stuff....how i was just zoooooom. But I did have times when I was just crawling out of my skin. The stuff works incredibly well for bipolar disorder, but the titration period (the time in which your body gets used to the medication) had some manic spikes to it. But if you ask me, I would rather be out there manic, throwing money around like a priest with holy water, than be catatonic and depressed on the couch.

I need some sleep. I'm gonna go take my meds and curl up with my ice pack on my neck.

I could use an org@sm about now.

-perfectbone

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