SO last night I went out with claire...we got even more stuff squared away. She has been so confused becuase b goes on rants about me...and then she just doesn't know what to belive. To compound that, I don't B bash, so it seems kind of odd. Like I'm too calm about this. To be honest with you, since he and I share some friends, and claire and I don't want to lose each other, There's no reason for me to bash b. She can make her own decisions about him. It's not up to me to influence that.

Anyhow, she also told me that she has been jealous that I have been making new friends. I brought it to her attention that it is common for people to do something like that when they get out of a relationship and realize how many people they lost....B got custody of everyone but claire. I also told her that no matter who I become friends with, I know who matters most.

I explained to her that there are only two people in this world that I can count on if I were in a horrible situation. Two people that care enough about me that would help me or save me if I were hurting. No matter what I have put them through, I know that I can count on jeff and claire. The others in my life have no reason to really deeply care about me. Sure they are all great and swell, but we don't share that bond that grows so deep with time and caring.

She understood.

This morning I got dressed, showered and I have been working on my ganesha tapestry. I should finish it today. After all, after yesterday the moon started waxing. It's time for me to erect my altar and work on removing my obsticles to going on with my life without b. This week, the house will need to be cleaned....or should I wait till the full moon? Sure I'll clean, but I mean the full sha-bang. The whole thing...walls, you name it. I need to make a purifying wash to rid his essence from the house. Then I have to re-arrange just about everything.

This morning I realized how much of a damper b did put on my spiritual life. Sure he used to be my highpriest, back when we were with the coven, but the few times we did ANYTHING spiritual together, he always felt the need to lead the way. Why is that? I'm capable! I have studied and gone through the ropes. Heck, if I work hard enough this year, I might obtain second degree by 2006. :-D

Anyhow....I feel better. I'm worried a lot about what he thought about my practices. he was very heavily into one path, and made it seem "wrong" that I am so eclectic. Sure I have some bond with the celtic pantheon....I was trained in that path. But I have a deep afinity for Ganesha (I consider him my "brother god" and Durga (she's like a sister/teacher) and Kali...well she just kicks ass. But I have a fondness for Buddah and Hecate, and Bel, and Tara, and Quan-Yin, and Aine, and Nut, and so many more. To me it's really all just one. The different pantheons give names to so many facets of the devine. How can any of them be wrong? How can it be wrong to worship within more than one pantheon? Some say it's a disgrace to that pantheon, but how can it be? If I really feel that all are really one, that each god and goddess are facets of the devine, there isn't any reason for any god or goddess to be angry.

Human perspective is not devine perspective. We cannot understand what the devine really wants....it's not within our realm. All we can really do is go with what's in our hearts.

-Perfectbone

ps...I have d@mn crappy allergies today.

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