third entry today

what a night. What a friggin bad night.

So I gathered everything together for the financial matters between b and I. I figured out that he owes me almost three thousand from our jointly incourred debts. I put together the spredsheets...I wrote it all down. I gave it to him today.

I have never seen this side of brian. never. He was so violently angry at me. First thing he told me was "go F*ck yourself." it continued on with stuff like that. At one point he got up to me and puffed himself up like he was going to hit me. I asked him if he was, he said "what do you think?"

I asked him to just consider the information I gave him. to just take it with him and look it over, recalcuate and think about options. I am not evil or conniving. I am no tlooking for quick cash or anything of the sort. To me, fair is fair.

He started throwing things around and being really awful. I cried a whole lot. Then I had to leave. I went to Earl's becuase he doesn't know where he lives.

For the first time ever, I am actually afraid of him doing something to hurt me or my belongings. I never ever thought he would be that way...but after today, after I saw how angry he was...I can't be so sure.

And after finding out how many lies he really told...how dishonest he was during even our "good" times...how can I know what he is really like? Is he going to slash my tires? Is he going to slash earls? Is he going to break into the house? Is he going to smash my stuff? Am I really safe? Should I consider buying a gun?

I don't want to stay in his life...I don't want to have contact with him, but the financial decisions that we made together, with the intent of marriage, are now going to be left on my shoulders alone. If he were in my spot he would do the same.

The only difference is...he can bully me, but I am not much of a threat. He outweighs me by 100lbs. He's more than a head taller than me...and wide as a door. He can palm my face. He has never hit a woman before....but then again, he doesn't view me as a woman anymore....now I am just an evil being, a thorn in his side. A b!tch.

I'm meeting up with mom tomorrow...so I will be gone all day. Thank goodness.

-perfectbone

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