I keep forgettting that I have internet access now. I have gotten so used to not having it that I completely forget!

I took earl to the airport yesterday. HE is going back to Oregon for the week to visit with his family. He called me last night around 1:30 and told me that Joe died. Joe is his step dad. He had cancer for a long while...so he just missed it. I know it's sad, but he didn't want to be there when he died. So it's better that way.

I got home yesterday from the airport and I have been laying in bed watching television and eating. pathetic. I guess in all honesty I have been a little depressed lately. I know my meds need to be changed around a little, but I won't have insurance for about another 2-3 weeks. Uuuhg.

I'm trying to kick myself out of it this morning. I plan on doing some work around the hosue....cleaning, doing the lawn...whatnot.

Dealing with the loss of brian hasn't been easy either. I still get sad sometimes. NOt that i want him around, not that I really still love him....but I miss the times we had.

He and I share friends. Claire...mostly. I feel awful when she feels like she is torn. Like when I knew she went to the coast w/ brandon. I had this feeling that brian was there with him too. I asked her about it, even though she had nto said anything about it. And yes...he was there...so was his girlfriend. Why is it that I feel bad when I think about him having so much fun with her? I know she isn't crazy like me...she has a good job as a nurse...she goes to the gym...stays tan and fit...takes him and my friends to her uncles beach house.

I'm going to stop dwelling for the moment. It's stupid.

I am loving my new job. The people are soooooo super. It's been a long time since I really felt like I was part of the group that I work with. These people are great. The job can be tough at times. Like when I have to explain to some saintly looking middle aged woman why her bill is so high....becuase there were tons of Adult Pay Per View movies ordered. Then she comes to the conclusion that it's her husband. It's like a bad soap opera!

So anyhow...I have the music going...I'm going to get myself out of this slump. Of course all I want to do is lay in bed all day and watch movies...but I know that will not get me anywhere.

-perfectbone

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