My nights are so hazy lately. I get bits and pieces of my night memory during the day. I see proof of things that I have eaten all around me. I take Ambien...and that's what causes the night memory loss.
You see, Ambien is a sleeping aid, or more acturatly, a hypnotic. You may have seen the ads on TV. They say you should take it for 7 days at a time, and that's it. Well mentally ill people like me, as well as people with fibromyalgia (like me) that suffer from severe insomnia, take it for months or years at a time. It causes blackouts. It puts you to sleep...that it does...but sometimes before I fall asleep I see things. I see swirls sometimes, or double vision that seems real. I sometimes see complete things that aren't there. Never scary though. Just weird.
And I remember everything up to the black out...quite often the blackout will happen mid way through a sexual act...so I can't remember the end. Oddly enough I am completly coherent. I'm glad that I trust Earl with my body...otherwise it would be so scary.
So lately I have been getting up in the middle of the night or early morning and eating things...things I don't really need. Rarely am I hungry. I know one morning I had a can of corn...the can was left out and I knew it had to be me...I was the only one here. Then last night I think I had a bowl of cereal...or more like multiple bowls of cereal. Grr. I think I might have to put giant symbols on things to trigger my mind. Kind of like "Mr. Ick" stickers that they put on poisons to tell kids not to drink them. Either that or duct tape all the cabinets and fridge shut.
This morning I had a migrane. Bad...I had to lay back down for a few hours. My cold pack wasn't in the freezer since I used it last night, so the closet thing I had was a block of frozen tofu. *sigh* Weird. I got up at about 1 this afternoon and I feel better. But I still feel some tension in my shoulders. I need a good massage badly.
Oh get this...my new health benefits cover accupuncture at the same rate of my doc appointments $10!! Yes! I have been dying to try it to get rid of my neck pain. I also know that they can do it to mess with your metabolism. I would like to go see them so I could facilitate some fat loss and also to heal my neck and shoulder pain.
Today I did normal mundane things. I went to cash my paycheck (woefully small paycheck) and picked up some needed items...Cat Chow, laundry detergent, hair color, and I allowed myself to buy one frivolous thing. I spent $2 on a gold edged daisy picture for the bathroom. Hey, when you have been out of work as long as I have been, a $2 splurge feels sooo good.
Brian's decor filled the bathroom, so there are now empty spots in there. I think the daisy goes nicely...I want to do more in there though..I have some ideas...but they can wait a little while longer. That and I need to see what I have tucked away in my crafty craft corner.
I saw some nice floor pillows at biglots for $7. We plan on having floor pillows in the quiet room for lounging. IT will be a place for my altar and for reading and for just hanging out with friends. But I realized that I have several extra bedpillows that I can cover with material I already have...OoOoOH I feel some sewing coming on..
Speaking of sewing, I have to alter Erins wedding dress soon. Unfortunatly I took alll the measurements while I was high. Why did she let me do that?? She should have had me measure before we smoked. Oh well, at least they do make sense...and I double measured everything.
My step dad will be in town tonight...he is bringing me an electric weed whacker. Yay! And some surprises from mom. :-)
Earl comes home tomorrow! I am very very happy about that. I have missed him terribly. And guess how he is getting home??? By plane courtesy of Mr. JEff!! yay Jeff!!!! You see.....I can't use any of my credit cards...I wisely deactivated them becuase they are all screwd up right now and I don't need more debt. So jeff went online and bought the ticket and is allowing me to reimburse him for it. Earl was a little surprised when I told him that Jeff did it. I explained to Earl that Jeff is a really good guy...that he will do anything to make me happy. And he knew how depressed I had been without Earl here. Earl doesn't think much one way or another about jeff. he doesn't know him, just what I tell him about jeff. Earls very "out of sight out of mind" type. But he did think it was cool he did that for him. He's just not used to having another guy that cares for his girlfriend. But he's getting used to it. He knows I don't give up friends for anyone anymore. :-)
Well bye bye now...I have to go clean house. I have had a three day weekend becuase I work this coming saturday.
Oh by the way...I do still love my job. Never thought I would look forward to working everyday. I have never had that before. I hope that everyone has a chance at that kind of thing in their life.
Have a happy day

perfectbone

<< welcome >>