<< whoo >>
2004-11-05, 12:56 p.m.

Wow, today is the 5th. 5 years ago today, I woke up. Big whoop right? Well there was more to it than that. I woke up early that morning. I put on a beautiful dress ad then I ripped it on the edge of my high heel.
I went with dan to the courthouse and I got married. I laughed through the whole thing, likely because I was nervous. And then when It came time to get the ring on my finger, I twitched. That twitch sent the ring flying across the room, and nearly down a floor vent. But we got married, packed up the ferrets, dropped them off at a babysitters house, and we went to florida.
i didn't think about it till today. How much life has changed since. summer and fall are always about change for me. Divorce or marry, change mates, go on vacation, and so on.
I got to talk to jeff for a good long while lastnight. Like a true friend, he always tells me like it is. He doesn't sugar coat it or pretend to agree just to keep me happy. He's pretty upset with earl about now. Becuase he is still not working. Bah. that boy.
I got up this morning started getting ready for work and tried to wake earl up in a sweet way. Tried that for 5 minuted and went back to trying to work on getting ready. At last I stripped off all his blankets, exposing him to the cold morning air. I sat on the bed and I said, "if I have to get up and get ready for work, you need to get up too. And I call him every frew hours to make sure that he is still awake and working.
I told him this morning, "I know that it doesn't mean a whole lot to you, but it would make me very very upset if I have to move to someplace smaller and cheaper. it means a lot to me to be able to live here and keep up the way of life that I have attained. I know that you don't have to care, that you will still eat and sleep under a roof even if you don't have a job. But it's not that way for me. I have to work every day to keep what I have." Then
I told him, "I have done this for you, becase you are a nice person and that I think that you deserve a chance to make something of yourself. But you aren't even trying."
When I was out of work, I spent my entire day online doing applications, submitting resumes, and other looking for work type things. I would go to interviews, and scout out resources.
I had to do that. It was required for my life.
Eh, I have been working on this all morning and I haven't gotten too far on it thought.
But ok...well I go to lunch in a few minutes. Figure I will eat some greens and read my book.
You know...I hope one day I will learn to really know myself...to understand that I do deserve love...and lots of it. :-D

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