Dear gawd, the date was aaawwwful.
I get there and he gently touches my back as we walk through the gate. I figured he was a touchy guy. After all, I did Notice his incredible gentle inner peace. So I go in and I loved the place. He had a whole set up for his latest photo project. He offers me dinner and was pleasantly surprised that I am a vege too. We talk about the band...we talk about art. I look at his pics....they were friggin amazing. The models were so incredible. He really made it a work of art. Anyhow, he made me bean tacos and corn chips. Cool.
So we start watching a movie and such. He's a rasta so he is all into the ganj as he calls it. So he brought out this fresh thing. I had never seen it before and it was soo perfumed, so sweet. So anyhow we light a bowl. We watch the movie and he leans in closer...that was fine...he holds my hand. Before long we were kissing. Before long he was laying me back. Before long he was getting grabby and pushy. I told him I wasn't going to go that far. It's just not something I was interested in doing with him. I didn't know him at all.
At one point he took off his knit dread cap. Turns out he has these kick ass long dreads...then I followed them up to a severely balding head. Had patches missing...I touched it...felt grossss.
He wasn't really feeling like taking no for an answer. At one point I thought i might be in a bit of trouble. Then I realized that although he is tall...he's scrawny as F*CK! I could take him.
Anyhow...I end up needing to leave...wasn't comfy anymore.
He said he hopes that I call. Talked about how interested he is. Awe hell. scre that crud. He was soooooo not a gentleman. I am that type of girl. I can't deny that. But just because I'm like that, doesn't mean i want to do just anyone and everyone. Doesn't mean I don't want to be treated like a lady.
We live in a different world now. I feel that sexual liberation for women isn't about getting to be on top at last. In reality it is the freedom to choose. Choose your partner(s), choose if you will do this or that, and chose when. We no longer have to live with the stigma of being sluts or whores.
Sure in some ways we do live with that stigma. Some may call women like me by that name. However, I take pleasure in my body. I don't feel that it is wrong to love someone just a little for even a short while. I wouldn't screw anyone that I didn't have something for. If a person is a close enough friend, even if I am not attracted to them much, I see nothing wrong with sharing intimate moments.
I don't allow myself to be used. I don't allow myself to use others. There is nothing wrong with seeking out what you need and want. There is nothing wrong with having desires. Different people can meet different needs for you.
I for one have many needs and for the most part....I need more than one person to fill them all. I like that I have someone nice waiting for me at home. Earl's great to joke around with, and play.
But I always need more. Always need more.

on the other side of things...despite lovely liberation of sexual being....I'm having a very "fat" time right now. Grr. Not happy at all with my body. Not in any way, shape, or form.
Btw...I feel such a hankering for a tattoo. I planned to get the one I wanted when I was 18. That was 6 years ago.
Not that you guys care...but I have it all planned out. Eventually it will be a larger back piece. Just too spendy to be able to do it at once.
It will be a pentacle in the middle of my shoulder blades, flanked by crecent moons. On my left shoulder blue frothy waves, just barely spilling over my shoulder. On my right shoulder a design with yellow, something symbolizing air. Not sure what xactly yet. On my right lower back will be a flaming design peeking around my hip, climbing over the hip. Over my left lower back, climbing over my left hip will be a tree with roots, vines growing up over my left hip.
I want a toe ring tattoo. I want vines on my feet to keep me well rooted into the ground. Mmm. Never had a tattoo...but I am desperate for one.
One day :-) I'll have them. I can wait if I have to.