Ah So I am back at work. :)

My business trip went alright. I enjoyed my evening watching the seagulls and the waves at the coast...feeling the breeze. I didn't want to hang out with all those people from work. I don't know why they all eat together...heck we just spent our whole day together, why ruin the evening too? Anyhow I went to a japanese place. Its the only place I can manage to spend $30 on vegetables. I had some veggie rolls and some fried tofu appetizer. Also some red wine. I wanted Plum wine, but when the waitress doesn't speak a lick of english, what are ya gonna do?

So after my meal I went to the water for a while. I forgot my sports bra, so I couldn't go to the hotel gym. I went back up to my room, admired the view, and rented Legaly blond2. Twas good. I also ended up sacrificing my dinner to the porceline gods. *note to self: Red wine, tofu, and seaweed taste like crap coming back up. Try iced tea nextime.

I got up the next morn and had breakfast by myself (after all, there would be no way to escape those nim-rods for the rest of the day) and I sat by the window, at my posh table, enjoying some fruit, toast, & coffee while watching the sailboats go by. The sun rise was beautiful.

I got back last night and I really didn't want to see any of my friends. So I just went to sleep. I want to sleep a whole lot lately. If allowed I will sleep during every moment that I am not at work. I really need to find a new doctor now that I have moved, and have her check me out. I think that I might need a higher dose of thyroid or have my anti-depressant upped. I have been so depressed and tired lately. I have also been a little agoraphobic at times. And my skin picking is at quite a high. I have noticed that many women with eds also show signs of trichotillomania or dermatillomania.

Funny thing is...I have lupus (not usualy a big problem though) and it causes my body to attack its self. It seems that I am always out to get myself. yet I don't feel like I have a lot of control over it.

I gorge myself

I purge myself

I starve myself

I pick at my imperfections till they bleed

I use diet pills and diuretics that aren't good for me

And then the lupus. I guess the human body really is an amazing thing...otherwise I would have destroyed myself long ago.

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