1st entry, rather late in the day

Sorry I haven't gotten to the written poriton of the day till now. I have been ultra busy with this, that, and the other. Everyone had something that they wanted and they all wanted it from me. *whew* However I am feeling a little more calm now. I have gotten so much done. I am friggin amazed.

Today Jeff got his valentines day present...at last! Here it is a month later...heehhe. It was waiting for him at the post office box. I got him some Burt's Bees lotion...which is ultra yummy, the closest thing to vegan Rice A Roni that exists (he eats a lot of rice a roni..so I thought I would give him a taste of the hippie world), Also a couple of cookies w/o sugar or artificial sugars, oh and I sent him my favorite ring. It's one that I bought for myself last year and I wear it every day. It's just a little silver ring w/ a square top w/ three flowers, and scrolls on the sides by that. I have missed it, but I wanted him to have something personal of mine that I like. He said it barely fits his pinky...that he might wear it on a chain. How cute. :-) I didn't figure it would fit him...I have small hands. Not too small for a woman though. I am sure that ring is probably a 5.5 or 6.

Tonight I will be having dinner w/ b's nanny. She is alone tonight and we will be going over there to keep her company. I hope she doesn't forget and make meat. *sigh* Becuase I can't even try to eat it. It just doesn't work. I can be polite and not inspect the package of bread at the table, however....there is no way I am going to be able to handle it I see bacon chunks in the green beans.

I have been checking out the costs of college and such and I may have to come up w/ quite a sum of money. However, I can always just work full time and take a class at a time. I just don't want to have to do that. I am only 24, and I am still unencumbered by children...so it seems like the perfect chance to go to school full time. I figure I can work part time too....not that I could make much part time but it would be something. I wish my father would see my childhood home so that we could use the money for my tuition. I need to put a bug in moms ear about that. See if she might call him and talk to him about it. After all....the house is half hers. When they divorced (age 4) the agreement was...Dad would provide health insurance (military is free), and make the house payments, in return mom would take care of me and dad wouldn't have to pay child support. But get this...it's not like she actually lived there or anything...nah..he lived there for a long while. So essentialy...that house is physicaly my child support for 18 years. :) Now that is a nice way to put it...when you look at it that way...seems like a great idea to put it forward into my education. So what if it wouldn't be fair to my brothers...they had the help of the VA, and my parents supported them the whole time. I won't need them to support me and bail me out of jail or anything. Jeff and I will be living together and I intend to have a job, so there isn't any need for them to be passing money to me all the time. Besides that...dad isn't making much off that house anyhow by renting it out. Plus, get this....My dad owns the house in Del RIo w/ my mom. My dad ALSO owns the house in Peru with Kathy, my step mum. Then she owns her own house in San Antonio. She rents that one out to her neice for like $300 or some obscenely low amount of money. WHy....'cause she is bipolar and was sexualy abused as a child. WTF????? I give that another big WTF?????? Where is my special treatment?? I am bipolar and I was sexualy abused. I don't think that mental illness and an unfortunate childhood are worthy of special favors like low rent. Bah! Now I am ranting and raving.

Damn tangents...I tend to do that!

SO what else did I do w/ my day? Somehow I found some time to chat w/ robert. That boy. gee. He has a big ol crush on me. However he has his "other half" at home, Lolita. He has been with her for like 10 years now. But heck...a crush is a crush, and I'm not the slightest bit intersted in him beyond friendship. But that doesn't stop him from trying to flirt with me all day and asking me to regale him with stories of something or other. Today he wanted to know about dating more than one person at a time.

You know...I was thinking about that today. I know what a fickle person I am. I'm a bit of a gypsy at heart. I was thinking about jeff...wondering if he would settle me down any. Then it came to my mind...I don't really have to "settle down" per se. I think that he alots me enough personal freedom to be myself. He doesn't try to push me into a mold...so I don't feel like I am confined. I remember him asking me if I thought I could love someone with out running away. He isn't someone I want to run from. I won't have to give up who I am to be with him. I don't have to compromise. Compromise makes me run...becuase I fear that those compromises that I make while dating are going to have to stick till the day I die.

Ah...something funny happend this morning. Be and I had our usual goodbye peck and said goodbye. However, his lips felt unusualy nice this morning and i wanted a second one. So I asked for one and he put his stuff into his truck sighed and acted put out but did it. As I was going to my car...I said to him, "You know...some guys would give their left nut to have the adoration that I have given you!" He smiled a little and shook his head as if he were saying, "crazy chick doesn't kno wwhat she is saying."

I wasn't joking.

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