So its thursday already??? Feels like a wednesday.

Tuesday night was bad. I was a basket case. Tuesday I forgot my medication, effexor. When you forget that crap you get weird. I got all spacy and such...the feeling like when you are about to faint...or when you hyperventalate or cant get a breath...I had that starting about 1pm that day. I had to leave by 3:30 becuase I could no longer function. By the time I got home to my meds I felt like my tounge was in a light socket...being shocked. I had to sleep to stop the pains...the weirdness. But by night I was hiding.

I tried to hide under the bed. Bed however was too short. So I hid under a blanket on the couch. Brian tried to talk to me...I just felt so overwhelmed. TOo much to do..dye my hair, exercise, go to the post office, exercise, pay bills, exercise, pay attention to the animals, exercise, clean the spare room, and so much more exercise. So I was crying and he managed to get me out of it. He got me to uncover and feel better. He knows what the panic is like. He is anxiety ridden and ocd. He is normaly pretty good...but about once a year he crashes. Anyhow...I have been spiraling in a way since.

I am so friggin huge. During the move I have been distracted from my goals..my needs. I have put on a few lbs and that is quite unacceptable. its out of control. I am picking at myself so much and freaking out..I have to stop it. I have to get back on track so this will end. So I am going to start to decrease how much I eat during the day. I know I can live on a lot less. I have been over eating. Eating too much.

So my plan is to slowly decrease my food intake during the day. If I cut it out entirely I will end up binging....I hate binging...so bad for my self esteem. But I know I can live without most food...I have before, I can do it again. But it must be done so that i do not shock my body.

I looked at a picture of me, this time last year...and at xmas last year....I looked so much thinner...so much more frail and boney. That was only about 7lbs ago. I can do so much better now.

I can do so much better.

I'll be good, I promise.

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