I had therapy yesterday, then i decided that I didn't want to go to work. So I didn't bother. I couldn't stand the thought of having to find clothes and deal with that kind of nonsense. I didn't want to sit at my desk and do things for anyone else. SO I jumped into bed (around noon i might add) and cuddled under the covers for several hours. :-)

Therapy went alright. I admitted the binging and told her why I couldn't keep a food diary. I told her about felling ashamed and everything. So she told me to focus on just writing down how I feel in relation to food...not what I eat. So that I might be able to do.

Last night I went out to play w/ claire. we went walking (for about an hour...I thought she might keel!)zig zagging through the neighborhood, up and down hills. She is so funny she made me stop becuase she thought she heard air-raid sirens. And people think I'm crazy! She is ultra-paranoid at times. Maybe they need to up her drugs. She also does not turn off her tele either. WHy? She said, "last time I turned off the television we went to war. I refuse to let THAT happen again." So funy sometimes.

After our walk we went to Mecca (aka: SEPHORA!!!) to sniff some smelly goods. I founds some neeto ones.

Pink Sugar

It smells JUST like Cotton Candy!!! Oh how yummmmy!!

I also sniffed all kinds of other things, like Lulu and all the Philosophy goodies. I tried out their special lipbalm, but I found it tasted like cheap lipstick. That sucked. However all their little tiny fragrances are 75% off. I think they are going to make a new line. So for jsut a couple bucks I picked up Strawberry, Pasison, Lagoon, & Vanilla. Just the tiny ones though. The strawberry smells just like a doll I had as a child *sigh* oh the memories.

After playing around at sephora we went to Blingbucks (aka..ghetto starbucks) to sit and have a beverage and chittychat. Despite the somewhat chilly air we had a lovely time.

I got home around 10 and got to talk to jeff till about midnight. He had to go to bed though...duty calls and he had a session at the studio at ten. THat boy sure is yummy. Makes me feel warm and toasty all over!!!

But I didn't sleep well at all. I tried to sleep at about 1, got up at 2, I slept on and off and ended up sleeping on the floor. b kept moving too damn much and everytime I would doze he would wake me up again. Grr. Damn insomnia.

I think that I am in a "not normal" mood phase. Been jittery in the morning w/o even taking uppers. Sleep has been funny and I want a lot of it! I have also been intermittently cranky, perky, angry, irritable, and fine. I think that people should just let me "be." If I want more sleep on some days, I should be able to have it. If I need to avoid people on some days, that should be alright too. Being bipolar isn't the worst thing on earth. I just face things that others don't. I don't love having mood swings or anything, but I am not sure that drugging me is the right answer. Being bipolar allows me to have certain advantages. I am able to feel all sorts of emotions very very intensly. This comes in handy with my creativity. And you know what? All sorts of creative & ecentric people are labled "mentaly ill." It's not all peaches and cream...I guess it's the price I pay for to get to be good old WONDERFUL me :-)

-PB

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