I didn't bother with lunch today, I doubt I could have kept it down.

I know he is at home right now...I don't know if he even wants me there right now.

Im taking these pictures down from work, I can't stand to look at myself staring back at me, not with him, not with the family, not with the ferrets.

I'm feeling low. WHy? Becuase I am hurting a man that has tried so hard. Ever since we decided to "move on" from that crap, he has done more than you can imagine for me. When I was in an accident, it was him that was freaking out and raced from another city to get to the hospital. When I had a nervous breakdown, he did everything he could to help me. This fall as I have been a complete mess, he has stood by me every moment. And honestly what's the worst that he is currently guilty of? Spending too much time on the computer? Neglecting me in bed? But love? Love? This man has done everything but kiss my ass since we moved in together. He tells me many times a day that he loves me. Never forgets to give me a kiss before we leave for work. He keeps a clean house, he cooks for me, takes care of some of the animals, makes my lunch, gets my coffee, does laundry, bathes regularly, brushes his teeth, hell if I were in a fucking coma he would probably read to me every day.

Last night when we were talking, he told me that he hasn't had anything to do with any other women since the last big massive fiasco. He swore that I am the woman of his dreams, that I am his love, the woman he wants to have children with, the woman he wants to grow old with...and that he would save me from anything in this world that he possibly could.

But B? Can you save me from my self? Please someone save me from me. Because I just don't know how to anymore.

pb

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