2nd entry today

I have 1 hour left...on hour and I will be free....freee! Free for what? eh, dunno. Haven't decided yet...however it could be that something incredibly fun and exciting is waiting for me just beyond those secure doors. Or maybe not. At the very least I can hope to finish my instillation tonight. I was going to complete it saturday, but I got hung up on a few details and changed somethings sooooo. I had to let the cards dry.

I spent quite a bit of time talking to jeff this wknd. by phone and ICQ ;-) Doesn't seem to matter so much what we talk about...we seem to find stuff. I feel asleep last night thinking of him. I wasn't sure I was going to fall asleep at all...seemed to take a while. But it is so blissfull when you sleep to the thoughts of someone wonderful. I was thinking about what it will be like to see him in may. like cuddling up to him and kissing him and such. I wasn't even thinking particularly racy thoughts (as thinking those things while laying next to b. will only irritate me) but I enjoyed them :)

He is coming up on his last big project at the studio. Then he will be taking time off to write full time. It's amazing. I know he is really going to enjoy that. I'll make sure he gets plenty of other stimulation as well...so that he doesn't spend his whole day at home. I think he would have a tendency to stay in the house for as long as possible...if allowed to. But im sure he will want to go out and do things with me.

He is so darling. He tells me that he wants to spoil me. I can't argue with that! I'm a rotten girl! I'm not really that bad, at least down to the core. I'm not a b*tch and I am always very appreciative of any effort made or kindness given. I think to an extent that I deserve a certain leven of spoiling...mostly becuase I spoil men as well! And Jeff...I can't wait to spoil him! I'm a natural caretaker and I love to take care of people. I like to feed them and do little things for them, give them copious amounts of attention and dote every day. I suspect that cutie pie could use a little doting!

I often feel so bad that his self esteem is so low. He told me that he was afraid that I would be turned off of him when I did get to see him in person. There is no way that could happen. I know his confidence in his appearance is low, but there is nothing "wrong" with the way he looks. He is quite handsome! maybe it is becuase appearance maintnance has always been an afterthought to him (I tease him becuase he doesn't bother with things like Conditioner, what a bachelor!), and becuase he has spent much of his life overweight. He is very botherd by his weight...poor guy. And really it isn't a big deal. But heck...try telling me that about my own!

-PB

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