4th entry.

I am sooo deeply affected by the way that others feel. I am like a human emotional sponge. Damn it. Worst part is, I know how to control it, but I forget to! In the coven we had to learn to handle all energies around us so that we could maintain our own balance. However, doing so is always a double edge sword for me. My empathic nature allows me to be so much more understanding of other people. However...days like today, I end up feeling like they do. Robert has perked up at last (his son stopped calling him at last today.) which means he isn't spreding his negative vibes. Lisa & Denise got done w/ the meeting they were dreading. So now, all is peachy hunky doooooorey. :)

So what does that leave me with? Well I am still peeing Neon Orange! This morning my bladder was being finicky so I had to run and find some Azo. It's an analgesic for the urinary tract. You see...my bladder will often portray symptoms of urinary tract infections for odd reasons; dehydration, peanut consumption, rough sex, and a few other things can cause this. In my case...this time it was peanuts.

Anyhow when you take the stuff it makes you pee in neon orange, then for a while neon yellow. If you don't drink enough water you will pee red. Scary eh?

I'm used to it.

Anyhow...tonight is family dinner night. At the last family dinner night they ate fried chicken and BBQ stuff while I ate rice and green beans. Wonder what treats they will have for me this time? Often we have spaghetti though. meat on the side.

To say the least it has been MORE than uncomfortable since I "postphoned" the wedding. I have this feeling that his mother knows that I am not planning on marrying him. His family has been rather distant w/ me. But at least I don't have to continue to worry about some things. I was worried about the fact that I was not attaching well to his parents. I like them...but for some reason I felt little to no bond to his family. It's odd, becuase we have spent a LOT of time together. In fact...to be honest with you. I really don't like his sister. She is a snot. a prissy spoiled snot. If we had gone to school together, we wouldn't have liked each other one bit. In addition to her snotty attitude, I just don't like her.

I wish I could get out of family dinner night again....but I didn't go last week because I was too depressed. So I really need to go now.

Considering the usual fare consists of a few odd veggies, I almost....I reapeat ALMOST, feel entitled to a few snack cakes. However....the fact that the scale continues to move up, rather than down at this point, SAYS NO!

Hmm...If Im lucky we might have my birthday party tonight. Ohhh. If I am even luckier they might buy me a cake that says "Happy Birthday!"...a cake I can't eat. And serve it with icecream that I can't eat. Because that's what birthdays are all about. They did it last year. It was so sweet...I passed out cake to everyone with a smile on my face and watched everyone eat my Non-Vegan birthday cake and 100% dairy icecream. As if it would be tooooo much trouble to call up Twin sister's or Gini's and order a vegan cake. And all but the ghetto grocery stores carry soy icecream.

Sorry for that moment of bitternes...but I'm not angry. I shake my head...I smile...and I think to myself....

I am surrounded by idiots.

pB

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