I'll be taking notes for some meeting today from 9-12. Grr. I dont' really want to, and I have several other things that I would like to get done, but hell...why not right?

It is so freeing to know that I am getting out of here. I guess that even though I like the pay at this job...and my boss is pretty nice...I don't feel fulfilled here. I did feel better most of the time at my last job...teaching people how to start their own daycare business at home or somewhere else, and also doing background checks. I liked that. I got to talk to different people all the time. AND I got to help so many women become free of a man for the first time in their life.

Here, however, I do much more administrative duties. I am a human date book, a middlewoman, a sorter, teacher...a whole bunch of stuff. But I don't get to meet new people except for once or twice a month. And even then, they are usualy intimidated becuase it is their first day on the job.

So over all, I will be happy to leave, and find another position in Indy.

Oh Jeff bought his one way ticket! whoo hooO! he will be coming down here in August to help me pack up my stuff so I can get the heck outa here. I need to get my ticket for my vacation, but i still need to check to make sure I can have that time off (I'm sure I can...I mean...why not?) and I want to see if my parents were wanting to chip in or pay for my ticket. I mean...heck if they want to...why on earth would I want to turn them down???

I accidently called brian by the name dan last night. Dan was my exhusband. whooops. Despite the fact that we were in bed, and about to have sex, he didn't notice. Thank goodness. I did that kind of think to my exhusband before...I called him ben once. Ben was a friend of his....however he did notice. He didn't care though.

In my head I guess w/ brian I keep calling him dan becuase I don't love either one of them. So my brain just seems to view both of them in a past tense and filed them in the same folder.

I don't like having to pretend so much with b. I try to remember to do all the things I used to do...but I don't have the feeling for it, so it is difficult. And although I like having sex (i mean...how many healthy people don't?) it isn't emotionaly fulfilling. Hell I'm happy when it's physicaly fulfilling...which isn't all that often. I guess I was lucky...I managed to get done within his usual 15 min time frame last night. He seemed rather proud of himself. Ah well...not like he didn't do anything I couldn't have done myself.

My new piercings are doing pretty well. They are a little tender this morning becuase I think I have cleaned them too often. But they will be fine. I found a trick online that my piercer didn't tell me though...and if you ever get yours done...I do reccomend it. to keep from getting your bra gross (yes, honestly they bleed just a little a little at first, and they do get icky like any other piercing) cut a panty liner and stick it into your bra. Seems weird, but hell, it works and it saves my nice bras from getting icky.

I had all kinds of crazy dreams last night. Freaky.

You know...i need a more creative job...I think that's why I don't feel at home here. The only time I feel excited to do anything is when I get a challenge to create a cool letter head, some certificates, a powerpoint presenation or something like that. They should have picked a damn virgo for this job. Pisces need to be doing much mroe creative work.

I haven't weighed myself lately...given the horrible things that I have done lately...It wouldn't be good. I know i am going to cry when I do get on there. By friday, maybe I will have the courage. I know when I do get on there is going to be some horrid punishment. Not looking forward to that.

I think I am getting kinda depressed again. Damn. I hate it. I have been much more sleepy than usual...and the thoughts are becoming more frequent. Dman disturbing thoughts. You know, it's the thoughts that bother me so much. Why do I have them?

Wish I could cut out that part of my brain and replace it with a pretty little ivy plant. :)

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