<< The love/hate relationship with my features >>
2004-01-23, 3:08 p.m.

still a super day. Everything is going ok, and I have 2 hours left till the day is over. :-)

I believe it was last night that jeff asked if I liked my breasts. (I'm just speaking of that feature in relation to generaly body happiness.) I hadn't thought too much about it, but unlike many women...I think I do like mine. Not too big, not too small. Sure if they were bigger they would attract more attention, however, I have to carry them around! They don't get in the way, and nothing I can't manage w/ a good sports bra while exercising. I can wear a dress w/o a bra if I need to, and as I age, they will never reach my knees. Cleavage isn't something I really get any of, unless I holster them into a corset or the like. They are a nice appropriate, user friendly size, shape, and such.

It seems...that it's every other body part that I hate. Well that would be exagerating...but some days I hate all of them. The only one I despise is my belly. After all the injury I inflicted on myself, and after all the weight gain and weight loss....you would think I was the mother of 3 children, but I've never even been pregnant! Even my own mother has a better stomach than I do. All that skin. The skin will never go away. It looks obviously out of place on my young body. Through my thin shirt I can feel the thickness of a small scar on my belly. The remaining scar says "why?" It isn't as obvious as it used to be, years ago, thanks to many many afternoons of skinny dipping. However, you can see it still if you look for the scar on the letter W. The first gash scared the most.

I am luckier than most. I don't have scars up and down my arms. My skin healed perfectly...not a single tell-tale line.

I am thankful that no man has made me feel worse about the state of my stomach. It isn't pretty so I have my moments of self conciousness. No matter how thin I could ever get...I'll never look perfect. I'll never even come close to "decent."

But hell...if all else fails...at least I have my boobs!

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