4th entry today

So about me. How am I doing? It has been at least 1 month since I last purged. It has been just over a week since my last binge. I have been holding strong! I have been resisting. Today is difficult thought....I really really really want to binge. My therapist says that I tend to just trade one addiction for another. She is quite right, I see that now. Food is an addiction. WHen I give that up I replace it with something else. I haven't been binging, so what is in it's place. Cigarettes. Damn, stinky nasty cancer sticks. it fulfulls multiple roles. Socialy acceptable harm to myself...allows me to feel defiant....and I use it in place of binging. I'm not smoking much though...just one or two a day...sometimes more (guess I tend to binge on them too at times.) I don't intend to keep this up...as I hate the smell and I don't want it to get in the way of my running.

Speaking of running, it has been cloudy and rainy much of these days. Today however is sunny. Maybe I run today? dunno.

My brain is feeling kinda fried right now. Lacking focus again...grrr...grrr.

I'm feeling funky. I'm gonna go do something or other.

-PB

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