Another weekend has passed in a blur.

I am feeling really drugged today. The depakote was upped to 1000mg on friday night been feeling drugged all over again. And everything seems to have taken a flat sleepy feeling. And I am misspelling things more than usual, so please forgive me.

On friday night...Im wracking my brain...I dont' remember. Maybe we stayed in? No I think I went to claires and we had a bbq. That's right. Bbq. Or was that saturday?

Oh well whatever.

I did however go to the museum by myself on saturday. There was an incredible exibit at the Witte..."Fine line, Mental Health/Mental Illness" it was amazing. There were 60 portraits, all in black & white in a massive dark room. A spot light shone on each of them from above. A pair of headphones was hooked under each portrait with a start button and a name such as: Jenny, Michael, Crispin, Dora, and so on. The first one I listened left me bawling on the floor. I don't know her name and my memory is so bad that I don't know what she said anymore. However, I rememeber in clear detail what she looked like. Big fluffy leopard print coat, cluching a purse and looking to her left.

All stations were 2.5-5 min long, I think I did about 45 of them? I did more than half, and I loved it. Of course it was very sad sometimes, but most of all...they had hope...and lots of it. There were so many that had multiple issues such as, paranoid schitzo affective disorder with obsessive compulsive & bipolar disorder. I have a whole new outlook on those with schitzophrenia and psychosis and such. Whenever a doc would ask me if i would hear or see things I would be appalled and gasp "no!" thinking, "does he think I am 'crazy' or something?"

It really is just a roll of the dice you know...any of you could be me, and I could have been any of you. I never thought I would be "mentaly ill" and I never thought that I would be one of "them." I know others like me. we all seem somewhat normal, but there has always been something a little "strange" about us. Sometimes people think we are a little too imaginitve, or weird, but there are so many artisitc bipolar people out there...so many!

Plan for the day...probably going to have to go home. Yeah, the depakote is kicking my arse and I am all kinds of weird, oh and my head hurts too.

-Pb

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