Sometimes I kind of avoid making entries...becuase then I would have to admit Im not perfect. Funny eh?

Well it has been an ok, and somewhat tough wknd. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror I am disgusted. Everytime I look into my closet I am disgusted. I am not exercising nearly enough. I spend all my spare time sleeping becuase I am down or feeling kinda agoraphobic.

I think the real answer to a lot of my problems is to make sure that I am getting enough activity, ed or no I really should lose these extra lbs.

My legs are looking like crap lately and I can't seem to stop. My upper arms have been getting it pretty bad, the right side of my jaw, and my upper back. I hate that I pick so damn much. Scars everywhere! I get so embarrased after I have been picking for a length of time and brian notices. He knows about it...he doesn't like it. he just doesn't understand. Sure he has his own myrad of psychological problems, but his are far different from mine.

I am thankful that I have brian around though. He is really the only person that knows both sides of me. That smiling curly haired gal...that seems so happy all the time, as well as the brooding, crying, obsessive, paranoid, freak that I really am. Which one is the real me? Sometimes I forget. It gets hard to tell. i really think that the happiness is a mask.

Eh, I am unhappy...so whats new and what more can I say?

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