2nd today

Wow, I get tons of google hits on here for dermatillomania. Gee wiz. Well you know Shape magazine had an artical about it in feb or may. it was really good. I think it put a lot of women at ease.

So how is mine? Eh...embarrasing to say the least. When I am under the slightest bit of stress it becomes worse. I am trying really hard to overcome the behaviour. It's really a very OCD type of behaviour and is also linked to body dismorphia. For me it is related to a need to erradicate all of my flaws and to be perfect. However in doing so I make myself even more imperfect. It's also a semi-socialy acceptable way to hurt yourself. There is a lot to it. My affected parts are...well...my whole body to tell you the truth. No part is immune. The legs are the WORST. Followed by face, then arms, then torso. Constant spots all over. Thank goodness I don't shave (I use an eplilady) becuase It would be rather uncomfortable to shave over all those scabs.

Part of me knows that I do it so that I will be unattractive. Maybe that's partly where all that fat came from? I often feel that I don't "deserve" attention. I often wish I could fade into the background so that no one will notice. People are so damn distracting anyhow.

This weekend, a woman said something that i understood. "I have tried to be everything to everybody, but instead I have only been mediocre to everybody."

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