I got the courage to get on the scale this morning. No real change up or down. And here I have been scared to death. I felt that I had been growing larger and larger. But really I guess nothing is any different. Despite that it doesn't change the way I feel. I really really wish that it did.

B is going in late to work today. he stayed up too late chatting w/ his friends online. So I had to get myself up and ready, and I was surprised at how well I did. He doesn't help me as much as I thought he did. Hm. odd. I got my lunch together just fine (3 carrots), he drank all my diet rc (damn him...and he doesn't even LIKE diet rc) so I had to stop at the gas station to grab a bottle. I even grabbed my multi-vites today. I have noticed that I must be needing them. I am covered in bruises! I admit my eating has been less than decent. I have been cutting out too many good things to make up for all the bad things. :-( I have been finding bruises all over, and that usualy means I need to take my vitamins. Heck...I found one in the middle of my stomach...how did that get there? my inner thigh, wtf? and of course my inner knees...I get those alot because I have boney knees; they bang together at night.

So I had a great night last night. B went to hang out w/ brandon....I got to skip hoberg dinner night....and I worked on my project :-) I am friggin shocked at myself!! I feel like I have been away from my creativity for so long that I was kinda worried about what I could do. But honestly, I am more than pleased. I got the first phase done I am waiting for the clay to harden up just a tiny bit today so that I can put on a few finishing touches before I cook it. This morning I could not help myself. I had to go into the studio and sit and stare at it. Turning it around and around. Amazed that I created it with my own hands. And I did it so effortlessly...I had a thought in my head and the beauty poured out through my fingertips. it came so easily....yet it was so satisfying. I'm still hungry for more. I know claire is going to shoot me because I haven't gone to hang out w/ her since...fri or saturday. But I just can't stop myself.

I am going to ask for some more art supplies for my birthday. 24 more days. Vegan (aka: the cheap synthetic ones) brushes...in fact, I might have to go get a few this week for my project. All my brushes have gotten kind of old. They get that way. Besides...synthetic brushes are usualy pretty cheap anyhow. It's the sable, squirel, and hog brushes and the like that get pricey. Ick. Kinda gross. Although I have painted with my cat, but that's different...I didn't kill him first! (I promise...it was only on his paws...that's how I get him to sign cards....paint on his paws!)

Oh I had the strangest dream...and it was so vivid. I dreamed that I was breastfeeding a baby. It wasn't a new born...it was maybe 8 months old or so. it was a darling baby. My nipples were even pierced in my dream. I remember taking my barbells out...and putting the baby up to my left breast. It was so real....and I felt so close to that child. Apparently in my dream I had some worry about everything working out properly...but it worked out just fine and the baby fed till it fell asleep. Also, the baby and I were both naked.

When it comes to interpretation, often people will have dreams about babies or pregnancy early in relationships or when relationships are undergoing change. So I just figure that it is an example of a good start. Considering the baby was so healthy and content. Perfect peachy pink skin, smooth and soft. I just remmeber the babies weight in my arms, and the softness of the skin. I know it hurt a little when I put the baby to my breast, since I guess I wasn't quite angled right...but I shifted a little and we were fine. The kid was just so perfect! I also remember how content we both were when the baby fell asleep after having enough.

What an odd dream.....

oh well, back to work!

PB

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