3rd of the day

This is not a good day...not at all. But nothing bad has happened.

Why is it this way. My moods cycle constantly, so much so that I can barely keep up.

I hate that it costs so much to keep me "healthy" but I don't feel healthy at all. I spend a minimum of $200 on my "health" a month. That doesn't include if I actually get sick.

Then I get so upset when I worry about the money. We both have good jobs and I have insurance..but it gets so expensive. My shrink wants me to see a therapist...but at $30 a week...how can I add another $120 on top of it? Who knows how much I owe the hospital from my trip there this month, an I am still paying off the medical bills from my car accident.

I wanted to start taking yoga again, to help with the fibromyalgia & the depression, and I should be going for a massage at least once a month...however, these things begin to feel like optional compared to all the drugs I need every month...

so what do I take right now???

-Effexor ex

-Levoxyl (thyroid)

-Celebrex

-ortho-tricyclen

-ambien

then there are the other things that I take for my health:

-Flax/borage combo

-Calcium (hypothyroid can kill your bones)

-Multi-vite

-vegan acidopholus blend thing

Then theres even MORE for occasional use:

-muscle relaxers

-butabital/caffein blend

God just take me out to the pasture and put a hole in my head. There comes a point when people have to decide to put the animal out of it's misery. Mostly becuase it is beyond the owners ability to pay for it...and becuase the animal has lost quality of life.

So what about me??

But alas, I am friggin stuck here. My life isn't horribly unhappy or anything, I'm just another friggin depressed person that gets grumpy and tired of being sick.

Just wait....maybe tommorow I will be bouncing off the walls. You never know.

-pb

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