<< Ramblings about love.... >>
2004-03-10, 12:03 p.m.

3rd entry today

Yes! Lunch is here!

I am so happy to have a reason to let my mind wander!

Just got done with the ever predictable pone call from b. he says the same lines every time. He may as well record him self had have it call me every day.

I am really craving a cigarette right now. Why on earth? Eh well...I did smoke over the weekend, and I did smoke on the way home the past two super shitty crappy days....however, I seriously doubt I'm hooked. Sure I like them, however I'm not overly fond of the smell, and I have better ways to waste my time...well most of the time anyhow. I think it's a mental craving mostly. It has been a difficult day here at the APS ranch. I have been herding files, cleaning out the stable full of emails, and cleaning up boss shit. What I would really like to do though is shear a few folk, however...that might be considered a unladylike task while wearing a skirt.

So lets talk about food. I have been on decent terms with the stuff lately. I am not sure If I am eating the same amount as a normal person...I would have to plug it into fitday.com to find out. I have made a real effort not to watch the calories, but mostly to eat good foods, and lots of veggies and fruit. I have been keeping up the exercise too. I rather enjoy it now that I am running again. of course my neck might bitch me out before long, but I can't stop myself. I love the high. Seems to be the last legal thing around this darn country!

Oh but I could really use a good massage from a pro. How I miss that! I used to go all the darn time, but not since I live w/ B. no money left for that now. I always considered it a medical expense. It was the only thing that kept me moving some of the time. I am having a big problem with one of my trigger points right now and I can't quite get at it, since it is in my back under my shoulder blade. It causes burning and some neck pain. I am however trying to keep it stretched out. Damn...I love trigger point therapy.

I can't say enough about the health benefits of massage. I did a lot of research on it last year and the year before becuase I was bartering my advertising skills for free massages with this guy named Gary. Well gary would hook me up, and I would write and design his ads. He was so easy going....I miss him! Well...they do so much for you, increase your circulation, decrease your stress, they can reduce pain, improve your range of motion, help to repair injuries, they even make your skin look better!!

I have got to go back to getting massages...even if it is just once every two weeks. It keeps the pain away. My knots get so bad from sitting at the computer all day, you can feel lumps in my back, and hear the crunch in my shoulders. Gross.

Ah well I spoke to Pocket last night :) that was swell. I have missed that darling dear. She is going to have to graduate in the summer rather than in may like she hoped. She waited too long to take her last semester of Italian and forgot everything *ooops!* so She has to retake it. She isn't going to tell her parents about it though...she will still walk the stage. She figures she will work for a year then go on to grad school. She has a boyfriend that she loves...but they are all monogamus. *sigh* oh well. As much as she does love him either she will end up having to leave him or something will have to give. I know that dear and no matter how much she loves someone...she just can't keep still.

Like me, she loves too much ;-) I feel like there are different types of love.

The truest and deepest love I don't fall into very often. However, I do fall in love with my friends sometimes. But then you get into all of these boundry issues. For example, Brian (not b. a different brian) and I were super close. From the day we met we knew we would be that way. We held hands all the time, at home, and in public. We cuddled in and out of bed. We took care of each other at all times. We would spend time together doing all kind of crazy stuff. We loved each other and we still do. HOWEVER, it was the deep love we had for each other as friends. You might think..."well it sounds to me like you were more than friends!" But we weren't. We never had sex, but I suppose we could have if we wanted to. But he was always insecure about his abilites, and I was already getting some from someone else.

before B and I got together, he was just sure brian and I had something going on. I explained to him that it wasn't quite what he thought it was. However, I was not about to end or change my friendship with brian, just becuause I entered a relationship w/ b. I love being close to people I love! I enjoy cuddling, and holding hands and having fun and stuff. I don't consider that cheating on someone. When it comes to friends that I do really love, it is second nature to be close to them. B was sometimes jealous of brian though. Jealous that brian had a degree, made more money, knew more about computers...all kinds of stuff. And sure, it was funny sometimes when I would yell "honey" or "sweetie" and I would get more than one guy answer me.

Yeah...maybe I am different than some people. I don't know...really I don't. All I know is that I love people and take them into my heart. My close friends become my family, and my lovers become part of my soul. Male and female doesn't matter to me. If I wrap my arms around you my friend...it's becuase I care. If I take you by the hand and tell you how wonderful you are, it's becuase I love you.

-pb

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