Howdy all!

Whew it has been a busy day. Sorry for the lack up updates.

Well yesterdays trip to the therapist was helpful. She helped me to sort somethings out and come up with a plan of action. She is pretty darn cool.

After that I went home and took a nice nap. oh that felt so good. I love naps...snaches of illicit sleep. Then I got up and brian made me dinner. Some soup and a cabbage dish. He is obsessed with cooking scottish food lately. But heck, I can't complain. He does a decent job of it. However, scottish food is all based up turnips, cabbage,potatoes, and the like. Mostly stuff that grows in the ground, well aside from cabbage.

Ah, so today I got a note in my work email about a screw up. I have been fucking up pretty bad around here, and someone called me on it. She was right to though. It was about a directory that I was supposed to update. Well I saved all the wrong files, attached all the wrong files, and well...it was a mess, and even worse than that, I did not double check my work. Then the woman that got angry with me, and sent it out as complete and ready...since it was my responsibility to do that. Well...since I screwed up she looked bad. It's only a directory and not a HUGE thing...but still...it ws wrong of me. So I wrote her an email with my appology. I am quite sorry that I screwed up like that, and I took full responsibility for my error.

Since then I have been working like a dawg! I have a long list of "to dos" including giving my boss an appology for my poor performance, which I am sure she heard about yesterday.

In other matters, how am I? How the hell am I? Well I haven't started the trilactal that the doc gave me...I am wanting a short period of clear thought before I start it. right now the clouds are parted, and I am functioning quite well. Still on the effexor though. I spend quite a lot of time talking to Jeff, and I am not sure exactly what I should share in here and what I shouldn't. Itsn't that strange? But since this is my private journal....I suppose I will go ahead and put stuff in here.

You know...he has feelings for me. Very strong feelings for me. And I can't say that I mind, becuase he is a fantastic man. However here I am...with Brian...and Brian is fantastic too. So the Diane (the therapist) and I worked this out: First I need to figure out whats up with brian. No wedding is in the works right now, and I need to figure out whats going on. I need to determine if he can meet my needs, and if we see eye to eye on how things in life need to pan out. Right now there gaps in huge relationship issues such as Sex, Trust, and Attention. I think that his attention to detail in sex has been better latley. We are still quite different sexualy and have different needs. I do believe that he has been faithful to me since the whole fiasco....however I need more attention day to day.

I have been eating pretty well the past two days. maybe too well. Too many damn cookies. Why do we even have them!??!?!?! I can't keep from eating them. I may have to have him hide them from me. I don't have the initiative to go looking for them. So If I don't see them I don't miss them. but if they are there....I can't stop!

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Not that I have had to work really hard this week...but I like weekends. In fact, I think I have only worked like 20somthing hours this week. Monday was a holiday and yesterday I did half a day. Sure is nice to be salaried. And you know...this place would give me the hours to go to school (up to 8 hours a week!), I just have to do it. They don't pay or anything, but they give you time off, or you can spend some of that time working on homework at your desk, if you need to. So I could work 32 a week, get paid for 40, and go to school. Not a bad deal huh?

Sorry I am not more interesting today...I have lots of really interesting things to say....but I'm sleepy now.

pb

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