2nd entry today

I spent last evening on icq talking to jeff. Brian spent the evening a few feet from me talking to all the people that he talks to. Also looking at computer stuff. He went to a geek conference earlier this week and now he is obsessed w/ getting this thumb drive that requires a thumbprint when you use it. Wtf would he need that for? Heck, he really doesn�t even need a thumb drive. He has one now, in fact, he has 2. Does he use them? No. He could use them to take stuff to his friend�s house. But he doesn�t need a secure thumbdrive. That one gets a big ole veto.

I have also been annoyed because a package has been waiting at the house every day. Yes�every day. There was the KVM switch (makes it so you can switch computers and use the same monitor) . The three books; Finnish, Danish, & Norweigan. The antique barometer/thermometer. His new motherboard. Some kind of cords of sorts. And who knows what else is next. Damn it! I am so sick of it. I have tried asking nicely. We have had several �come to jesus� talks about it. Am I going to have to start checking his ebay stuff every day??? Can I PLEASE strangle this man??? He doesn�t have the drive to learn another language, let alone 3. He doesn�t collect antiques nor even care what the barometric pressure is; we live in texas�it�s hot. We know this. Another motherboard? Why? Why? 4 computers and a laptop later we need yet another motherboard? *sigh, sorry about my raving.

Anyhow, I had a really great thought last night. I am going to set aside some money so that I can cover all of august w/o any help from him. That way I can ask him to be out by the end of July. I�ll let him know that sometime in june I guess. Would be nice of me to give him about 6 weeks notice right? Maybe I should do it before I go on vacation to Indiana. That way, if he is angry or pissed off or anything, I won�t be around to have to experience it. It will also save that akwardness, least till I get back.

If I can get him out by then, I can spend that month w/o him, packing, working on getting a job, and getting my arse moved. If he is there, I know it will be a pain. I know his relationship history. Breakups are not his forte. He always gets back together with them for some reason or another. However, I do not. I don�t want him moping and begging to work things out. I don�t want any promises. When I make up my mind, I am a hard ass. My ex husband begged for months. Sure I did sleep w/ him for a while (it�s complicated, after being dependent on him for years, it was a matter of survival. A girl needs to eat), but I never told him I would take him back, & I quit sleeping w/ him when I was ready to move on and became interested in someone else.

Gosh�I sound cold. I may be in denial, but I really don�t think that I am a cold person. I always try to be the best girlfriend in the world. I have never screwed around on a guy. I give my all to every man, even if he isn�t worth it. But when I want out�I mean it�I want out!

You know�maybe it was a sign, but I was looking at my engagement ring from brian the other day. And as pretty as the little thing is, it isn�t designed to stand up to the wear and tear of a lifetime of daily use. There are some very weak points in the band.

Here was another sign�on new years eve 1999/2000, I had my ex husband hold my rings, because I was squeezing oranges. He put them in his pocket w/ his lucky pinball. This action broke the engagement ring. (there was a raised bridge w/ a solitaire over a band of baguettes.) By the time I got it fixed, I had stopped wearing my rings.

So for the rest of the day, there is plenty to be done. I have a long list of �to do�s� and a teleconference at 1:30-3:00. It�s for that board that I am apparently on. I feel better today than I did the last time we did this, so I might get more out of it. However, I really need to review my notes again, so that I can be of some help this time.

I haven�t been moving along all that well today, and it has taken tremendous amounts of dt. Rc, coffee, and ephedrine to get me mobile. I didn�t get to sleep till about 2-2:30 last night. I couldn�t seem to fall asleep. So I got up and wrote for a while.

Wash, rinse, repeat

perfectbone

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