The day has gotten a little bit better.

I have been keeping myself really busy and I have stayed on task for the most part. However I have to have frequent mental breaks or I break.

I stayed up till about 11:30 last night talking to jeff. Poor guy is coming off one of his meds and he gets so tired. Being bipolar quite often sucks the big one. Once you get on a med you like, either you become intolerant to it, you get sick from it, or something. It blows. Bipolar people have to keep trying and trying and trying to get the right combo of drugs.

For example, I'm on 225mg of Effexor. I am supposed to be taking trileptal in addition to that and trazadone at night. However....I am being an ass and I don't want to take a mood stabilizer. Why? Because they make you stupid. I have a tough enough time as it is without incourring a form of temp brain damage. They say that bipolar folks should be on anti-depressants + Mood stabilizer. Why??? So we are easier to keep in line? Easier to counsel? I don't know. All I know is that during my last depression, it seems the only thing that helped me medicinaly was the upping of effexor. Other than that, the Ambien helped me to sleep.

Jeff on the other hand takes another approach to dealing with his bipolar issues. NO anti depressants or anything like that. There are other things that can be taken, despite the fact that they may not be an fda approved treatment for bipolar. (So what...they give bipolar people drugs for epilepsy every day!!) He may have more control over his medical choices than I do, however it takes a lot more personal responsibility than I could probably muster at this point.

In other news....My entire family has been notified of relationship situation. You know...that I am not going to marry brian. Everyone was super cool with it & they all intend to play along with the thing till I can get out of there. I feel a little guilty when he tells someone else details that we planned on, but OH well...I just can't do it. Best of all, I am so happy I did not have a handfasting with him. The handfasting is the spiritual part of the marriage for pagans. I don't give a crap about the legal part so much as I do the spiritual part. When that happens, I want to to be special & real. Not just another stopping point in life.

Eh, it's lunch time now. Hoping that someone will email me today...maybe dad...maybe kathy...maybe tia...ooh maybe Jeff!

Later

Pb

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