So I went to the doc yesterday. i liked her pretty well. Nice lady. very laid back and jovial. Yes...thats the only way to describe her...jovial.

So I showed her this rash that comes and goes and told her about the rashes that appear mysteriously on my elbows and knees and she said its eczema. ick. Not pleasant in the least...but I suppose it is better than leperosy. She gave me a cream for it. Doesn't seem to do any more for it than my salve made from olive oil, calendula, rosemary, hemp, & lavender. I might just stick to my hippie brew.

When she was looking at the rash on my thigh, she noticed a few of my sores on my legs....I just mumbled something and pulled my pants back up. I didn't really want to talk about it. YEsterday was not a good day. Couldn't get out of bed. Had bad headache. Stuck in waiting room for far too long with far too many a-holes.

Well I spoke to her about my medication and she wants to leave me at 150mg of effexor and give me Zyprexa in addition to help out the effexor. Well it sounds all fine and dandy till you check out the rest of the info. It is used for Schitzophranics (how do you spell that?) and for bipolar mania. Well first of all, I am not schitz. And as for the bipolar mania part...it is used for temp treatment during manic phases. If you read this damn thing at all, and If she was really paying attention to me yesterday, it should be absolutly blatantly obvious I am not manic at this time. in fact I have not had any real manic episodes for MONTHS.

Whats worse is the side effects. It is not uncommon for a user of Zyprexa to gain 50lbs during their first year. That is FAR from acceptable. NO WAY. I haven't really gained any on the effexor. it is however harder to lose, but that could also be from a messed up metabolism. But I had to call her today and tell her that there isn't any way that I could take that medication. On the message I explained that I am starting treatment for an eating disorder (the fact that I won't address the ed in treatment any time soon is another matter) and that I am far to afraid to take it.

You give pills to a crazy person...you have to be able to anticipate if that crazy person is going to be able to handle it.

Why on earth would I want that drug?

I just don't know what else to do. I don't know what other options are out there. The one drug I would really like, hasn't come to the US yet. It looks really good. There is also another drug still testing right now that looks promising. Another option is an anti-convulsant such as Nurontin (I used to use that...made me sleepy) as some anti-convulsants seem to have a mood-aleviating effect.

Just say no to Zyprexa man. Well, that is...unless you are 40-50lbs underweight and are looking to pack on a few.

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