1st today

I had therapy today. I had a good one.

So lets go back to yesterday, a not so good day. Yesterday jeff wanted me to figure out if I was going to IN or not...the final answer...and Actually I misunderstood. I thought he was having me choose between him and b and I wasn't going to do that. Turns out he didn't want me to do that. I have told him that I can't make a commitment to ANYBODY for a while becuase I have to get my head on straight. I can't even consider that till I am right with me agian. Which he MORE than understands. All he asks is that he be able to be my friend. You know...see me, talk to me, hang out, and so on. I don't have to even think about making a commitment. So we got that all figured out.

I spoke to the therapist to help me with my final decision about leaving. I am going to have to. She couldn't tell me to stay or go. But as much as I know part of her wants me to stay with him and work it out...she reminds me that I am NOT married to him. That modern people have the leasure to date and get to know people and even live with people before deciding that they will back them up for life.

I spoke to my momma this morning, and I know she wants me out of there.

I know that he could easily end up with a serious alcohol problem. He tries to make justifications abotu things like...."I only had 3. i could have had 6-7 like john." I told him it didn't matter how much john had.

What really matters is that he can easily pick this up. He's a former heroin addict mind you. And his behaviour when he drinks....driving drunk...screwing me despite me saying no....and again recently....hurting me then not really caring..being more concerned about getting back to the act.

He made dinner last night. He made clapshot (a turnip potato dish), butternut squash soup, hot tea and cold tea, and served a shot of whiskey. I hate whiskey. I would rather suck on a porcupines ass. He knows it. SO he knows he gets two shots...not one...and don't count the one or two he took as he poured them.

I have got to go.

I'll talk to my dad today.

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