2nd today

My bud, sarahsundae, mentioned today that she got picked up by a guy other than her hubby. Now I mean picked up as in Lifted, not the other kind, although, from her entry, it looks like the guys certainly were making eyes at her! *(dahling...you are adorable after all!)

Well it had me thinking about being picked up. B tends to pick me up every now and then. Maybe throw me over his shoulder...He picked me out of the bed of his parents truck this weekend. It's kinda cool when you can be lifted by another human being, becuase it makes you feel little. But sometimes, it scares me. Esp if I don't 100% trust that person. I end up feeling powerless. So if I am going to give away my power, even if it is only for a minute....I have to trust that person. So honestly...when B pickes me up...it scares me just a little.

I am in the computer lab w/ my 2 students right now. I am really excited about our new woman. She is a really great one. I can see her marching in there and laying down the law. She doesn't take any crap and doesn't back down. Hell...she just moved from jersey. And as you may recal, Jersy is where God sends you if he hates you. Jersey is the 7th layer of hell. I think she is going to be great for the in-home case worker team.

Other than that...I guess I shall venture a little into other more "personal" type matters. After all, this is my private journal right? Gawd I feel like such a soap opera! As if I didn't have enough funky emotional/mental/physical things to make a journal...I also have one of the most funked up love lives of anyone I know. heheh.

Currently my plan is to break up w/ B in june, maybe before I head to IN so that he will have some time on his own, so that he can figure things out. And I will ask him to be out by the end of july. I figure I can live on my own for a month :) and work on getting my arse packed up and by then I should have have a few interviews w/ some places in IN. Of course those can be done by phone.

In June though, I am going to go for a little vacation to IN to visit my family and Jeff. :) Now Jeff...what to say about him....well he is super fabulous. And I am nuts about this man...absolutly nuts. Nuts enough to Run to the other side of the country and cohabitate, that kind of nuts! :) But really I am sure it was meant to be. I have known this man since I was at least 14...though for the last 5 years we lost all contact. Everything has fallen into place so perfectly...it's almost spookie. I plan on picking up on my dreams, just as I should have from the very begining. I didn't have feelings for jeff when I was a kid, like I do now. In fact, I was dating someone else during much of that time. But in retrospect, it wouldn't have worked out then anyhow. We both had some thigns we had to learn before we could be together. Since then I have made tons of bad choices...learned from each of them, and now...NOW I think that I can really appreaciate how wonderful this man really is. I can already see the difference he makes in my self esteem and my life...and everything. Jeff is really good for me.

But you know...when I go see him in June, we will be well behaved. After all, I am still living with Brian...and just becuase brian screwed around on me, doesn't mean that I should to the same to him. Besides...honestly, I would feel more like I was screwing around on Jeff!! Besides, I want to start things off w/ jeff right. This is the one I want to keep. But it doesn't mean that I can't kiss him or hold his hand though. Never before in all my time, in the long term boys I have had before...never before had I thought..."gee, I could keep this one forever and be so incredibly happy." And certainly never at this stage! I mean...I only mentioned my "crush" on him about a month or so ago. Well honestly, it's more than a crush now. A lot more. I've lost it for this guy.

Well that's the continuation of the Perfectbone soap opera. Be sure to tune in and take advantage of future entries. They just might get juicier and juicier ;-) if you're lucky!

And believe me....I have plenty of juice to spill!

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