Yesterday I stopped myself.

or let me start over.

Yesterday I forgot my lunch. Since I have been eating regularly I have been able to control my weight. I knew I had a retirement party to go to that night and I really didn't want to eat there...so i went out for lunch. I had noticed a new vietnamese place that opened up where the pakistani place used to be. Usualy Viet food had good tofu spring rolls (yummy non fried super low fat goodness) and vermacelli. Well all I could get at THIS place was stirfried noodles w/veggies. I swear they were covered in animal grease. Then the lady brings me a compliementary coconut/tapioca desert. Well it was made w/ soy milk...however I tasted egg in it. So I pretended to eat it, dipping in my spoon, reading my magazine, lifting the spoon to my lips. And so on.

I was feeling so awful about lunch that when I got back to work I walked into the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat. After the first gag brought up acid I stopped. I said "tillie, what are you doing? If you do this you wont' be able to stop."

I stopped. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I washed up adn went back to work.

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