The weekend was good, except for that feeling that I was eating way too much food. I would get so down on myself. I am not capable of picking out something for both my bf and I to eat. For there is no way he could survive on what I eat. I tried to keep in check. I was a failure.

Somehow sex makes me feel better about myself. When I am low...and I have some...I always feel better. What is up with that? Oh well. What ever works.

Yesterday I tried to be good. Gawd. Piggy piggy oink oink oink.

Morn:

Oatmeal w/ brn sugar.

Lunch:

went with co-workers for staff meeting

about 3 cups of Olive garden salad, 3 breadsticks, about 3/4 cups of linguini marinara.

Dinner:

Wasn't allowed becuase I was such a fat pig and ate all that crap. I let myself have a soy slimfast, and a sugar free fruity water.

Today:

Morn: Oatmeal w/banana

1/2 a spirulina shake (no fat)

Lunch:

2 bread sticks, 3/4 cup salad

1/2 C linguini Maranara

Dinner:

2 coastarican black bean tamales

I know i shouldn't eat so much today. My belly looks so fat in the tight sweater. I need to work harder.

I did about 200 crunches yesterday, resistance training and such as well. I also got a pedometer to measure how far I go everyday. I have taken 1,400 steps so far today, about 1/2 a mile. It also measures aprox calories.

Wednesday & thursday I am going to be really hard on myself. I am going to really really restrict.

Last night I had to lie to Alice about dinner. She supports my dieting and such and encourages me, but I haven't been eating dinner and I don't want her to think that something is amiss. SO I told her I went to burgerking to get a meatless/mayoless whopper with fries. She was cool with that.

Still taking the diet pills. Loving them :) Last night I tried an enema. Eh. Not great..could have been worse. I think I will do another tomorow. Makes me feel cleaner. Lately I have taken a liking to laxies. How gross. I must get over this...that could end up really really disgusting.

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