Gawd I feel really really huge today. I used to be quite fat, once upon a time. But today, I am feeling valumonous!I should be wearing size 12s or something. Damn. I have slipped so badly. I have been eating all these cookies. Damn fucking cookies. Cookies are my downfall. i have been so good other than the fucking cookies. I eat a good cereal of grains and what not, todays lunch was 1 tomato, 1 orange, 2 carrots, 8 raw almonds, and a bit of veggie bootie. Dinner is sometimes a cookie. Asparagus and a cookie. Salad & a cookie. Worse yet a cookie and a cookie! Damn cookies. Its these big vegan cookies from california. They are so good so bad for me. Each one has like 500-600 cals in it. Which I am sure brings me over a 1000 a day. Yeah sure if you ate like all those other people yeah...you could eat 2000 cals a day and not bat an eye at it.

Well no more! I have got to get rid of this! I am going to eat all the cookies. (Just as I am freaky bout my weight, I am freaky about wasting anythign on which I spent money) So eat the fucking cookies. Going to be making cupcakes this wknd too. Maybe I can send the xtras over to brians. Damn damn damn. Why is it that I cannot just manage to be good? Being thin is very very important to me. I must must be that way.

I am going to be going home in April. (well If I can manage to scrape together about $100 to pay for my half of brians plane ticket) I am a lot thinner than I ever was in highschool, but I want to be a friggin rail. yeah. A rail. This belly is the big thing. Arms are toothpicks, the hollows of my collarbones could allow for olympic swimming, my chin and my cheek bones cannot possibly poke out further, but then there is this big fat belly. Grr.

Guess I am just gripey today.

Brian is coming to see me today. Thats good.

Grr. to me . Grr.

-perfectbone

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