Yesterday was sour. I weighed myeslf in the evening at 144. I thought my breath was going to stop. I was panicked. Sure I had consumed several gallons of water that day. Yes, I had miniscule frozen meal yesterday (230 cals, 7 g fat). I thought I was going to die. I ran to the bathroom and downed some laxatives. WHy? I don't know. I also took water pills. I just can't bear it. Since my neck has been messed up, there is no running at all. No jarring activity. I might be able to walk....but with the post concussive syndrome, it takes so much energy to process the days events, that I am drained and ready for bed when I get home from work. So much weight gain.

I stepped on the scale this morn. 139.

I have put myself officialy on a diet to boost my metabolism. I have to eat little bits all day every day. Keep close count of every cal. Drink my 3-4 gals of water, drink 1 bottle of Yerba Mate' every day.

I can't keep gaining. This is way out of control! I hate binging. I keep starving and binging and gaining weight. NO more f*ing cookies & tofutti cuties. This morn, I have 1/2 cup of grape nuts & a banana. For snack I had 1/4 tomato, & a celery stick w/ a smigin of red pepper hummus. & a banana. It's tough, but If I can manage a low cal balance of carbs, fats, & protien, I won't binge.

Why is it that I swing back and forth between ana & mia? I wonder how common that is.

I swear...no more f*cking binges. I am going to quit the lax. No more starving either.

hehe. Look at me go....Whatever. eh...lets see how long this lasts.

<< welcome >>